Mall walk

Question of the day:
The Japanese have invented a new toilet that saves water in a unique way. How does this new invention work?
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Yesterday my walking buddy Irene and I went inside to walk for the first time this season. So from now until early spring, we will be mall walkers. Sigh. We like walking outside better.

A bonus to walking inside is that the mall doesn't open for walkers until 8 AM. So we can sleep later. We were walking outside in the summer at 6:30 AM. That had gradually crept up to 7:00 AM because of the shorter-light days. Now we miss the sunrise. Too bad.

One down side of walking in the mall is, well, the old people who walk in the mall so early. They dress up for the occasion. Those guys. These old ladies wear matching outfits. They put on makeup. They comb their hair! In fact, some of the hair you see on the early-morning-old-ladies looks plastic, so I guess they're not combin' that. Maybe apply fresh glue. Like that.

So anyway, now the two of us have to rake a comb through our hair and put on bras. Botheration.

Another down side is that from now until Christmas, the stores in the mall are all opening at 8 AM. Usually they open at 9:30 and 10:00 depending on the store. So yesterday, bein' the first day inside and all, Irene was like a kid in a candy store.

"Oh, look at that shirt!" Irene is all excited. "Perfect for my niece Lois!" So we stroll inside that store and check out the shirt. Further on down the line, she sees an outfit for her granddaughter. So we gotta go in there and check out the sizes and colors available. Then we really got seriously hung up in a store with bath oils, body lotions, all kinds of that stuff. We came out smelling like a rose. Also like a cucumber, black raspberries, vanilla beans, and cotton blossoms. Not to mention the sparkles we had on our faces and hands.

We were in and out of stores all down one side of the mall. At the turn, by Penney's, she was headin' in, but I caught her arm and sez, "We are not goin' the heck into Penney's."

"But it's pulling me!" she said.

"No. The only thing pullin' you is me. That's me aholda your arm."

So we get past Penney's, and she's good past the Tuxedo shop and the men's wear store next to it. She's tempted by some other places, but I've got a firm grip on her.

Then I insist that we go into Hecht's Department Store. I want her to see the Christmas decorations section there. The decorations throughout the store are pretty. But wait 'til you get to the part where they sell fake trees and sh*t.

Her mouth dropped open when she saw the first horrible fake tree. It's a neon chartreuse. The decorations on that ugly tree are neon pink, yellow, more chartreuse, orange, etc. Next to it is a turquoise fake tree. When I say "fake tree," I'm talkin' the most fake fake-tree you can imagine. Many "permanent trees" are very real looking. These fake trees are so fakey-looking it's amazing.

The turquoise tree has crabs. It's a nautical theme. Hand-sized orange crabs hanging all over it. Other fish and such too. Sad.

Then there's the dull maroon tree. It has purple, maroon, and dull gold decorations. Irene's beginnin' to choke up. But the brown fake tree really got her. "What's that?" she asked, "A fake dead Christmas tree?" Tears come to her eyes. The brown fake-dead Christmas tree has brown and dull gold decorations. It's my personal fav. Best fake-already-dead tree I ever saw.

Today we're goin' to WALK if it kills her. And by "it" I mean me. I'll just walk and drag Irene. In a mall where they sell fake dead Christmas trees, no one will notice one dead old lady being dragged along, yaknowwhatI'msayin'?

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Answer to question of the day: Studies in Japan showed that many people using public toilets flushed before it was necessary to do so, in order to cover the noise they were making while using the facility. So a Japanese company has devised a toilet with a button that plays a recording of a toilet flushing. It makes the usual flushing noise (to cover any other sounds) while using no water at all. In the end, so to speak, one uses the actual flushing devise.