Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Everybody's busy

Half of you folks are so busy because of the season, that you don't know if you are coming or going. This picture is for you.

Most days I'm embarrassed to put up my piddy little post 'cause it's so nothing. Just wasting your time here. But yesterday Sar reminded me about diversion. You guys are just lucky I've decided to divert you today. Got nothin' to say of course, but here are a few poems for big kids.



Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?" Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb #$%!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses, And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs, For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.


GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........ She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

But you know where bad girls go. They go everywhere. I gotta get movin' here.

27 comments:

GodlessMom said...

You wild woman! Thanks for the diversion!

Manchego said...

These are simply FABULOUS! Merci!

The Lazy Iguana said...

I might steal some of these.

Logophile said...

Oh, how we love the TLP diversion!
Great post, as per the norm!

*snickering at new material to teach the kids*

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Oh...You made my day with this post, TLP!

You have such a devilish, sly side!

Love it!

natasha said...

Little Miss Muffet,
sat on her tuffet,
eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
who sat down beside her,
and said, "What's in the bowl, bitch?"

Mary had a little lamb,
who had a touch of colic.
She gave it brandy twice a day,
and now it's alcoholic.

Mary had a crocodile,
who ate a child each day.
But interferring people came,
and took her pet away.

Mary had a little lamb,
who jumped around in little hops.
It gamboled onto the road one day,
and look out! Lamb chops.

Mary had a little lamb,
Charlie had a pup,
Mitchell had a crocodile,
who ate the others up.

Mary had a little lamb,
who was an awful glutton.
He overstayed his welcome there,
and ended up as mutton.

Mary had a little lamb,
with fleece as white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
the lamb was sure to go.
It followed her to school one day,
and much to her surprise,
All the children gathered 'round,
and poked out its eyes.

Damn, it's good to be evil. :P

Sar said...

You are diversion that never disappoints, TLP! Those are fantastic poems. Hubby doesn't blog, but sometimes I'll make it a point to show him a post I enjoyed and this is going to be one of them - he'll get a kick out of it.

Peter said...

Hi Lucy, that truck would scare the be-geesus out of you on the freeway!
Mary had a little lamb
With it she used to sleep
That lamb turned out to be a Ram
And Mary had a sheep.

Jamie Dawn said...

I like these versions better than than the original ones.
These have flair, baby, flair!

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Oh, you guys! I love the poems you've given me here.

mireille said...

Bad girls
Whatcha want, watcha want
Whatcha gonna do
When Sheriff John Brown come for you
Tell me
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
Yeaheah

Bad girls, bad girls
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
When they come for you

When you were eight
And you had bad traits
You go to school
And learn the golden rule
So why are you
Acting like a bloody fool
If you get hot
You must get cool

You chuck it on that one
You chuck it on this one
You chuck it on your mother and
You chuck it on your father
You chuck it on your brother and
You chuck it on your sister
You chuck it on that one and
You chuck it on me

Nobody naw give you no break
Police naw give you no break
Soldier naw give you no break
Not even you 'idren naw give you no break
Hey hey

Bad girls, girls
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
When they come for you


the end. ♥ xoxo

DIAMONDKT said...

Yeah it seems everyone is off taking last minute pre-holiday vacations, traveling for work or just tied up in Christmas preparation. Blogs are being abandon, but I think it's kind of normal for this time of the year - busy, busy.

Libby said...

the georgie porgie was the BEST i've ever seen, lucy!! thanks for the lauughs!!

still life said...

Which is precisely why I go nowhere without my passport...

Fred said...

Great diveesions. Too bad my children aren't little any more; I might have had some fun and taught them a few of these.

actonbell said...

This reminds me of something Nivek used to sing, as a child--
(Tune: I'm Looking Over a Four-Leaf Clover)

I'm looking over my dead dog Rover

That I overran with the mower.

One leg is missing, another is gone,

One leg is scattered all over the lawn.

No need explaining, the one remaining,

Is stuck in the kitchen door.

I'm looking over my dead dog Rover

That I overran with the mower.

I'm looking over my dead dog Rover

Who died on the kitchen floor.

One leg is broken, the other is lame,

The third leg is missing, the fourth needs a cane.

No need explaining, the tail remaining

Was caught in the oven door.

I'm looking over my dead dog Rover

Who died on the kitchen floor.

Keith said...

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a bear.
I've often seen her little lamb,
But I've never seen her bare.

Worse luck!

Rachel said...

Very, very funny! Thanks for the chuckles!!

Minka said...

I love the truck! especially when it says on it: "On the wrong way?" Now that is humour¨.
I guess teh rest of the psot is about American nursery rhymes gone...adult?

AP3 said...

TLP, your diagnosis is in.

You are not well.

Saur♥Kraut said...

But you know where bad girls go. They go everywhere.

And OH are my feet sore. ;o)

Doug said...

Good times.

Savtadotty said...

Can't wait to teach these to my granddaughters! (Evil savta.)

Lucy said...

Man .. i'd probably jump out of my skin..if i came upon that truck suddenly.

Ha Ha Ha.. the riddles are so funny...and then i read your comments. You started a movement - i think.

BobW said...

Two come to mind.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown
but nothing of Jill's was broken.

(This one from Shel Silverstein)
Sing a song of sixpence
A pocket full of rye
Four-and-twenty blackbirds
Baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened
There were the blackbirds
All cooked together, dead
With their feathers burnt off
Aaauurgh!

edina monsoon said...

I loved the first rhyme. Sent that to a friend on messenger for comic relief. And the following morning..we had a good laugh during coffee. Honest to goodness..where DO you get such stuff?

Ozg said...

Mary had a little bear,
To which she was so kind,
And everywhere that Mary went,
You saw her bare behind