Friday, December 30, 2005

It's that time

This is the time when a lot of people make New Year's Resolutions. I dunno why. Mostly we just break them right away. Besides, I think the number one resolution made in the U.S. is to lose weight. But as Jay Leno says: "Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution." So. There ya go.

'Course, I always resolve to save the world from destruction before breakfast. I've done that a couple of times. Resolved it. Not saved it.

I think we should make resolutions for OTHER people to keep. Like for my adopted son, Doug of Waking Ambrose, I resolve that he will start a list of four to six-syllable nerbs, just in case someone ever needs one.

For my daughter Acton Bell, I resolve that she take a cruise on a floating micro-brewery with a book group that discusses Bronte novels exclusively.

For my daughter Aral of AP3, I resolve that she form an ice hockey league for vegetarian Hindu priests who read religious books in the penalty box.

For my daughter 3D, I resolve that she install a kitchen in her van so that she can make band fudge while holding Girl Scout meetings in the car and driving the cats to the vet.

Let's throw in an infamous person: for Donald Trump: To buy new hair.

Okay, your turn. Write a resolution for somebody ELSE. Famous, infamous, or whatever.


Doug said...

For TLP, I resolve to spell verb with a "v".

And to always be sweet when someone nit-picks.

I looked up nerb, by the way. Doesn't seem to be English.

Saur♥Kraut said...

OH GOODIE. I resolve for Tom Cruise: to ban all couches from his premises or studios. And I prescribe valium. Lots of valium.

And I resolve for Jeff Goldblum: to find out who this hysterical and fascinating Saurkraut really is, sweep her off her feet, and carry her away to a tropical paradise. Oh wait. I live in a tropical paradise. OK, Jeff, your job just got easier...

OldHorsetailSnake said...

For Tan Lucy Pez I resolve to get her a Mother of the Century award from ActonBell, AP3, and Della. I bet my chances of seeing this one met are pretty good.

Tom & Icy said...

We wish for TLP the resolution to Not change her wiggly worm thinking that so delightfully entertains us

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Doug, a nerb is a noun that is used as a verb. Not a misspelling. Get started on the list. Don't make me come over there.

Saur, I'm with you on Tom. You lose me with Jeff. He's all yours.

Hoss, aww...thanks. You're sweet.

Tom and Icy, right back attcha.

dddragon said...

Doug, the Navy uses nouns as verbs all the time. Nod wrote a software program that had to do with spare parts for subs and ships. They called it the Spare-ing Project for short. (They never wrote it down, just said it. "Sparing" doesn't look right.)

Peter said...

For the pig, I want it to savour the joy of love for loves sake.

dddragon said...

I have made Hoss's resolution come true.

Doug said...

I'm not making my list until you get here. I will, however make coffee.

Nerb, I think I need to usee one of those on my site. Can we agree on ne. as the abbreviation?

Doug said...

Oh, and Dddragon, did you ever see the Calvin and Hobbes strip about "verbing" The last line was "verbing weirds language"

schnoodlepooh said...

Oh for me, I resolve to read your blog every day!

Mary said...

For your friend Irene, that she be able to mall-walk without shopping and for all the other inhabitants of the mall, that they stay out of your way!

Have a great New Year!

Sar said...

I resolve TLP win for funniest blog and that I can somehow gleen even an ounce of her funny wit. Also that she continue to mercilessly rib Doug and keep him on his toes, just because he can't be smarter than us all the time! ;)

Happy New Year funny lady!

kenju said...

I have the same resolustion for TLP and Hoss:

Never will I quit blo**ing!"

Jamie Dawn said...

I hope Donald Trump will fufill that one. I don't get that hideous hair of his. What IS that about????

For my mom: I resolve that she resolve to never wear those blue socks with her capri pants ever again.

Happy New Year's Weekend, TLP! I wish you and your family a happy and successful 2006.

KristieD said...

Happy New Year!!

I resolve for all the dumb people to grow half a brain, or stay out of my way.


Saur♥Kraut said...

TLP, good! Because I really like you, and didn't want to get into a cat fight. *whew* ;o)


Minka said...

I am too selfish to think about what other people should do better:)
My resolutions:
spend less on things I don´t need, finally go to Venice and enjoy myself for who I am. I think these are good and worth keeping.

Fred said...

Saur, you just may have that catfight since you tagged TLP.

I read this post last night thinking I would be back today with something witty. Nothing. I'll try and contribute more next time.

Happy New Year.

lime said...

i resolve for all supermodels verywhere to get stretchmarks, cellulite and flab. i'd be their queen then.

Lucy, LOVE this idea! i gave up making resolution for myself years ago cuz i always broke em. this is so much more gratifying, hehehe

Lulu said...

I can explain Donald Trump's hair. I saw a TV programme about it. Men who are going bald on top can get a kind of scalp/facelift thingy where a strip in the middle of the top of their scalp is cut out, and the sides are pulled up and sewn up in the middle. This has a strange effect on the direction of the hair, because what was growing dowwards is now up on top, growing sideways. You can't change the direction of the hair follicles so you have to grow it long, sweep it out the way it wants to go and then in a great big wing forward and around. Trump's hair is the example they used, as being the most extreme.

Don't you wish you hadn't asked?

Bela said...

I've lost the will to live now. LOL! I resolve for Lulu to stop doing that thing she does.

I resolve for myself to use more nerbs.

Happy New Year!

actonbell said...

Thanks, Mom! That sounds like sooo much fun.
1.I resolve for Hermione Granger to produce a spell that will make all your chocolate calorie-free.
2. A bigger and lovlier mall in this area, so you can go ahead and pull that look-see stunt on that guy with the bag
3. I hope you get that laptop so you can blog and keep Niks company in front of CNN, too

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Some good ones here! Those bloggers.

I resolve for Fred to never, ever go on a vacation with 6 females.

For Saur, to never tag an old lady again. Just sayin'.

For Monika, to stay forever young.

For Schnoodlepooh to wipe those paws!

For Hoss, what can you resolve for one so awesome?

For Peter, to live the life of that pig. ;D

Tan Lucy Pez said...

For Mary, I resolve that she try to get a patent on the four-year-old's moxy.

For Sar, I resolve that she let the furry woer lick her boot, just once, and on the BOTTOM of the boot.

For Kenju (judy), I resolve that she start a compaign to get Hoss elected as the funniest bl*gger.

For Jamie, I have to second her resolve for her mom. Them's some ugly lookin' socks for capris.

AP3 said...

Great idea, TLP... now I'll either have to convince Manchego to become a vegetarian, or I'll have to teach my Panditji to ice skate. Or both.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

For KristieD, I resolve that she will bug Congress until they provide Universal Health Care.

For Lime, I resolve that she will cut her beautiful hair and make a wig of it for me.

For Lulu, I resolve that she know less, MUCH less, about The Donald.

For Bela, I resolve that she get her slaps on the front page of the Washington Post.

For my wonderful daughters, I resolve that their New Year be wonderful.

My myself, I resolve to pick on Doug 'til he hollors uncle!

Mama said...

Dear Tan Lucy:

Go for it girlfriend. Some woman has to tame that off brand son of mine...I've been trying since November 11, 1967 and can't even claim one, eensy-beensy inroad. So have at it with your adopted son, Doug...and oh, yes, I wish you lived down the street so we could share daily kid gossip...and other stuff. I don't drink coffee but I could come with other stimulants.

You are most wonderful.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

For Doug's Mama, I resolve that she get control of her eldest. That Doug. Good luck with that.

Still Life hasn't commented here today, but she's e-mailed me that it's snowing lovely big flakes there. So I'm going to resolve for her that she will copywrite her blog and find a publisher for her beautiful words.

Müzikdüde said...

I kinda resolved not to make a resolution.

I also apply this philosophy to music. I like to leave muzical tension at the end of a song rather than resolve a chord.

but that's just me...

Doug said...

Happy New Year, mommy!

karma said...

Happy New Year honey


Lucy said...

Happy New Year TLP. I'm without Internet access - using husbands work blackberry to type this - painfully! Resolutionsto come later when I have full size keyboard.

The Lazy Iguana said...

I resolve that the people in Miami learn to drive.

I also resolve that people learn to SHUT THE %$#^$#$#%^%^$ UP in public. If I want to hear an asshole, I will fart. This goes triple in a movie.

I resolve that they STOP making lite beer. That stuff is a pox on mankind. If you can not handle real beer, drink water.

I also resolve that if I ever hear anyone say "freedom fries" or "freedom toast" or anything like that again, I beat the tar out of them.

I do not need to resolve anything. I am perfect :)

Libby said...

happy new year, tlp!! i resolve for all researchers to find a cure for all neurological diseases, and spinal cord problems!!

Manchego said...

AP3 - I could become a vegetarian again to help you make your mom's resolution come true. I'm just not sure I'll skate again... ;-(

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