Saturday, January 28, 2006

Just five days* update-Just 2 days now

It's just two days until that silly ground hog makes his forcast for the rest of the winter. So you know that spring is close.

Niks and I will go to Punxsutawney on Tuesday, and stay until at least Thursday afternoon, and possibly Friday. Depends on how much fun we can find.

I'll check on blogs when I can, but I won't post until next weekend.

Watch for me on TV. I'll be the one in twenty layers of clothing.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Receiving guests

I'm back and receiving guests. Note that I did not say, entertaining guests. I'm as boring as ever.

Radio question of the day:

83% of women say they like it when their man does this without them having to tell him to do it. What is it?

What I learned today:

Whatever you do, when you stop by the auto-wrecking yard, don't park your small car in a spot marked "compact." You'll be sorry.


We went to see another movie, Match Point. Woody Allen directed it. Don't go to see it expecting a comedy. Boy howdy! It is not a comedy. It's very good, but funny it ain't.

Funniest thing I saw at the theater was a diaper machine in the women's restroom. For a dollar you can buy a diaper! They come in different sizes too: up to 10 pounds, 10 to 20 pounds, 20 to 25 pounds, etc. I couldn't help but think that if some kid is carrying around 25 pounds of poop in a diaper, his parents oughta be changed too.

Probably some of you think that most of what I write is kinda sarcastic. And lots of people believe that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Yeah, like that's true.

Well, I can't waste all day here. I got stuff to do. You know, eat, drink and be somethin' or other.

Answer to the radio question of the day:
Empty the dishwasher. As if!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I'm SO not a harpy

I'm not here on accounta I'm over doin' Doug's site for him. Ya see, Doug had this great idea for a blog. He takes a word that Ambrose Bierce defined in the Devil's Dictionary, and he posts that word giving Ambrose's definition, and then Doug makes up his own definition and gives us that as an update for that word.

Easy as pie, right? Just a few little lines. After that, folks drop in and out all day and offer up a definition of their own, or a pun, or just a wise crack, or something like that. Some people are actually witty with their definitions. Folks like me just write some smart a$$ somethin' or other.

Then Doug comes back in and offers encouragement or discouragement on whatever someone has said about his word of the day.

Now, you'd think that this Doug boy could handle that little task, right? Heck, no! He's so lazy that he suckers some guest into doing his blog each and every Wednesday. I am not sh*ttin' you folks!

On Saturday he just makes up wild tales, and he doesn't do Sundays, so that means that Doug just has to write a few lines 4 days a week. That Doug! He oughta be an executive. 'Course maybe he is. Him and his little dog too.

The only reason I'm over there doing this for him is that he was such a harpy about it. He and my daughter dddragon. They nagged me into it. At first I thought maybe the choice of words that he gave me for today was meant to imply that I, myself, am a harpy. But, nah, not me. No one would ever think of me that way.

Wait! What are you still doin' here? I told you I'm not home! That's almost like breakin' and enterin'. You could get in trouble for that. Would I lie??? Run along home now. Or over to Doug's. Whatever.

Only the Shallow Know Themselves*

Radio question of the day:

88% of us have never done this, but guys if you did...statistics show that it was probably HER idea... What is it?

I knew in advance that my walking buddy Irene couldn't walk today, so I decided to sleep in. Way in. In fact, it's such a beautiful day, I thought it would be a pity to get up at all. So, I just did. Get up that is. It's after one PM. I'm still in my pajamas. That's okay, right? Because underneath this careless dress lies an enormous lack of character. Whoops! Did I say that? About myself? Good grief. I need coffee.

Today's paper reports that January 24 is the most depressing day of the year. This is according to research published in Health Magazine. So in honor of that we're going to see the new Woody Allen movie, Match Point. Woody is the king of making depression funny. Also The Old Lady of the Hills recommended it, and she knows her entertainment.

What I learned today: You should wash everything on the gentle cycle. It's much, much, more humane.

Answer to the radio question of the day:

Go on a cruise.

I might have guessed that. But I wasn't up in time to hear the question. So I had to call in and get both the question and the answer. Just for you guys. That's the kinda gal I am. Sweet. You heard it here. Not many people know that. That I'm sweet, I mean.

Niks and I have been in all the contiguous 48 states, except North Dakota. I'm pushing for us to go on a cruise. He would rather go to North Dakota. Or did he say he'd rather go to hell? Anybody out there know if there's a difference?

* Oscar Wilde

Sunday, January 22, 2006

At the movies

Radio question of the day:

Popular Internet search engines tell us that last year, this was the most misspelled word we were searching for... What is it?

This is the time of year when husband Niks and I start trying to see all the movies that will either be nominated for the Academy Award as Best Picture, or will have an actor/actresses nominated. The nominations haven't been announced, but the Golden Globes are a decent indicator of what might be honored.

We've seen Brokeback Mountain. I figure there will be several nominations there. It's excellent and deserves recognition.

Just saw Capote. Philip Seymour Hoffman was wonderful in that. Good story as well. That Seymour. Why does he want to use all three names?

Already saw The Constant Gardener. Great movie. I recommend it. All the acting is good, and it's an intriguing story. We liked The Squid and The Whale, but it's not the least bit funny as some ads try to make it out to be. Jeff Daniels is terrific at making me hate him.

We saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Producers, and In Her Shoes. Those aren't likely to be in serious contention for Academy Awards, but they're good movies. Shirley McClain might be nominated for In Her Shoes.

The Academy will soon announce the nominations and the movies that we missed will come back to the theaters and we'll begin our race to see them. I already know that I want to see Transamerica. Felicity Huffman won a Golden Globe for that. She's one of those desperate women on TV.

Almost Forgot to tell you what I learned today:

Since border policies were implemented in the 1990s, it is estimated that over 3,000 migrants have lost their lives on the U.S./Mexico border.

January 23 is the anniversary of the birth of our son. Amnesty International was a cause near and dear to his heart. (If you don't know about him, you can go to my August 7, 2005 post.)


Answer to the question of the day:


Pay attention kiddies. It's not that hard.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Have a nice weekend

Nothing to say here. I'm all about reading, and not writing. See you guys at your blogs.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Diet and Excercise

Radio question of the day:

8% of those polled say they plan to do "this" with at least one of the gifts they received at Christmas...


I learned some health stuff today. Nothing really new. Just some reminders.

Like I've always heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong your life. But it turns out it ain't necessarily so. Seems your heart is just good for so many beats, and that's it. Then it's done for. So don't waste your heartbeats on exercise. You'll just wear it out. It's like tryin' to extend the life of your car by driving it faster. If you want to live longer, just take a nap.

I always thought that I should cut down on meat, and eat more fruits and veggies. But I just didn't grasp logistical efficiencies. I mean, what does a cow eat? We know it's hay and corn. And hay and corn are vegetables. So beef is just a really efficient way of getting your vegetables. If you need more grain, eat chicken. I imagine that a pork chop might give you 100 percent of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Pigs eat a bunch of slop. And slops just mostly old moldy veggies. It's okay, 'cause their digestive system cleans slop right up.

And all that ranting and raving about reducing your alcohol intake has been disproved too. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That just means that they take the water out of the fruity bit, so you get even more of the good fruit that way. Beer is made outta grain. Any fool can see that this is good-for-you stuff. I sees.

We shouldn't be worrying about candy either. Just make sure that it's chocolate. Chocolate is cocoa beans. Beans are another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around! Right next to brandy and beer I guess.

I also learned that foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? So it's okay to eat French fries and such. In fact, it's probably essential.

I tried to learn about how to calculate my body/fat ratio. But my brain was too full. Couldn't hold another thing. I think what the teacher was saying went something like this: if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. Ifyou have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Something like that.

I do know for sure that the lesson scared me straight on exercise! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should be doing sit-ups only if you want a bigger stomach. And something was said about whales. I think it was, "if swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me." Like that. Made sense to me. I'm a logical person.

Answer to the question of the day:

Sell it on E-Bay. Those ingrates.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

An apple a day

Radio question of the day:

3.2 Million American married couples don't do this together...


What I learned today:

Apples don't "grow true" from seeds. An apple tree grown from a seed bears little resemblance to its parent, and the fruit normally is almost inedible, very sour or bitter. To get edible apples, you graft trees, producing a clone of a tree that you know bears tasty fruit, rather than plant from seeds.

Here's something else you probably didn't know. In the 1700s and 1800s, most apples were grown not for eating but for making hard cider. Johnny Appleseed didn't just bring fresh fruit to the frontier, he brought the alcoholic drink of choice.

It's only 16 days until Groundhog Day. Yesterday I made reservations for husband Niks and I to attend the event. It's held in Punxsutawney, PA. We'll freeze our butts off, but I know it's going to be great fun. I'm pretty excited about it.


Answer to the question of the day:

They don't live together. Those guys! But I guess it cuts down on divorce.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

We're half way through January!

I just wanted to cheer you up. I mean, it's almost spring, really.
We're half-way through one of the darkest months.

And just in case you made a New Year's resolution to not gain any weight, and you have maybe not taken any steps to make that happen, remember that you're very attractive, just as you are.

But if small planets start revolving around you, it is time to do something about it. Buy an acre out in the country, build an addition to the house, you know, be pro-active about it.

I know I was doing the "What I learned today" thing on my blog, but what I learned today is a secret. Hoss would say that comes under the heading of "too bad." That Hoss.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Come blow your horn

Answer to the Radio Question of the day:

Blow their horn.

The question of the day on the radio had been asked and answered before I turned to the proper station for that.

It was very foggy this morning. I mean really, really foggy. I was having a hard time of it on the way to meet my walking buddy Irene.

I'm listening to this radio station, and folks are callin' in sayin' "Did you get the answer yet?"

Radio DJ: "Yes, we did. But what did you think the answer was?"

Caller-in: "Drive in the ice and snow."

RDJ: "No, it was 'Honk their horn.' "

Next caller: "Did you get the answer to the question yet?"

RDJ: "Yes, we did. What was going to be your answer?"

Next caller: "Drive after dark."

I'm driving and trying to think hard, "what the #$%^* was the *(@#% question?"

Now, ol' Lucy isn't the type who can walk and chew gum at the same time. Here she is tryin' to drive and derive at the same time, in the fog. It ain't safe I tell ya.

People keep on calling in and asking the wrong question, "Did you get the answer to the question of the day yet?"

Any fool can see that the right question is, "WTF was the question of the day?" Ah sees.

That was this morning. Since then I've run a few errands, had the car serviced, and gone to see "Brokeback Mountain" with husband, Niks. That's a really good movie. I sure don't think of it as a gay cowboy movie at all. It's a sad love story, pure and simple. Very well done. Both guys are very good actors. Beautiful scenery as well.

Now it's about 5:15 PM and I still don't know the question to the answer of the day. Just called the radio station and asked them. The question to the answer is,

60% of drivers are afraid to do this because they think it might be dangerous...

Oh, yeah! I've killed many a person by honking my horn. Or at least maimed them. Those drivers.

What I learned today: Brokeback Mountain was filmed in British Columbia, Canada. The story is set in Wyoming, and was directed by Ang Lee.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

What's in YOUR grape juice?

Radio question of the day:

Forty six percent of computer users say they have done this. What is it?


What I learned today:

In 1815 French chemist Michael Eugene Chevreul realized the first link between diabetes and sugar metabolism when he discovered that the urine of a diabetic was identical to grape sugar.

It never occurred to me to worry about what else those grape stompers might be doin' in the barrel there. Now I wanta know why it occurred to ol' Michael Eugene that grapes and urine had anything in common. I mean, what was that boy drinkin'?

Answer to the Radio Question of the Day:

Hit the computer. Oh, yeah! Been there. Done that.
Only 46 percent? Huh! Guess some folks drop kick the thing.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Along came a spider...

Radio question of the day:

The cartoon character Popeye had four nephews. What were their names?

What I learned today:

The Black Widow is considered the most venomous spider in North America. The venom of the black widow spider is 15 times as toxic as the venom of the prairie rattlesnake. BUT, Black Widow spiders are not usually deadly, especially to adults, because they inject only a small amount of venom when they bite.

Only the female Black Widow is venomous; males and juveniles are harmless.

Female black widow spiders will usually eat the male after mating. Yum, yum. The female then lays several batches of eggs, containing up to 750 eggs each, in one summer. Normally, only 1 to 12 young survive after the egg incubation period of 14 to 30 days due to cannibalism. Those little boogers.

Already more than I wanted to know.

Answer to the Radio question of the day:

The names of Popeye's four nephews are Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye.

Never heard of 'em. I'm not makin' this stuff up.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Big stuff

What I learned today:

A Kitti's hog-nosed bat (also called bumblebee bat) from Thailand is the world's smallest mammal. It's only 1.2 inches long and weighs 0.07 ounces.

Ya know how much does an adult moose weighs?

Males weigh 1,200 to 1,600 pounds, and females 800 to 1,300 pounds.

The heaviest person in medical history was Jon Brower Minnoch (USA, 1941–1983), who suffered from obesity since childhood. He was 6 ft 1 in tall and weighed 1,400 lbs.

I'd say large and in charge. Kinda like Cheyney, huh?

Monday, January 09, 2006

What I learned today

I said that I was going to learn something every day. So here's what I learned today.

It takes forty pigs to make four thousand sausages.

Isn't it amazing what you can teach them?

Friday, January 06, 2006

Just a bunch of nothin'

Radio question of the day:
What is the most common fib someone will tell to someone they've just met?

I've decided to learn at least one new thing everyday this year. This is what I learned today: The average garden snail (not one that has entered the Olympics 100 meters race) moves at around 0.03 mph. If a snail set out on New Year's Day 2005, and walked non-stop it would have travelled 263 miles by New Year's Day 2006. If you walked this same distance non-stop you would complete it in around three days. You guys! You musta stopped for lunch or somethin'. So I learned that snails can walk. I didn't know that.

Ya know why chocolate is better than a man?
Chocolate never tries to chat up your best friend. ( I was gonna say, chocolate is better than a man because after telling your chocolate bar all your worries you can simply eat it. But I decided against that. So I did NOT say that. So don't go there.)

Today when I did the wash, and then I took the stuff out of the washer, I discovered that there musta been a tissue in the pocket of something. Of course, the entire laundry came out covered with lint. Don'tcha hate that? How can one measly little Kleenex go so far?

That's as bad as the days when you start to hang up the clothes you wore home from the party you went to the night before... and there aren't any. Don'tcha hate that? Speaking of waking up in the morning, did ya ever notice that men wake up as good-looking as they were when they went to bed? We women somehow deteriorate during the night. What's up with that?

Oh! I learned somethin' else today! It's a household tip: Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Just cross out the names and address of people you don't know. Sweet!

Something else I learned is that putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner. But that's just wrong. Don't waste gin like that.

Lotsa people are complaining about gaining weight over the holidays. I do know a diet tip: You can lose weight fast by eating raw chicken or rancid tuna. The food poisoning/diarrhea that you get will enable you to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days. I haven't tested that. I didn't gain weight this year. Let me know if it works.

Of course if you've paid attention to this site during the past year you would know how to avoid that weight gain in the first place. I've told you before that anything consumed while standing up has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass. You haven't been sitting at the table, have you?

Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage. Naturally you can't be eating unbroken cookies. That goes without saying. Plus if you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. If you've been eating in front of people, well, you're just askin' for it.

An exception to this is, if you eat with someone else, you have to eat off their plate. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

I gotta get busy here watching television. It's Washington Week In Review night. You all know how cultured I am and stuff. I can't be wasting time blogging. I sure wasted your time though.

Answer to the radio question of the day:
What they do for a living.

Huh! Now that makes no sense whatsoever! I'm surprised at you guys.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Trash talk

Radio question of the day:

Sixty percent of us have never participated in this holiday tradition. What is it?

I took our tree down today. It's a permanent tree, so it's in the basement now, stored away.

But for all those real trees, what once was so lovely and loved, is now out by the curb. All over our little borough Christmas trees have been set out to the trash. Sad.

A special truck will pick them up and take them to be composted. That's good I guess.
Still, it's sad to me.


Answer to radio question of the day:
Roasting chestnuts

I've never done that. Have you?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

It's all about YOU

Radio question of the day:
U.S. insurance companies pay out about a billion dollars a year to people who make a claim for this. What is it?

This post is all about YOU.

You should yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
You can observe a lot just by watching. (Yogi Berra)
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
You can't have everything; where would you put it? (Steven Wright)
You can't tell a book by its movie.
You don't know anything about a person until you meet them in court.
You don't learn a thing the second time the mule kicks you!
You either do or you don't, there is no try. (Yoda, "The Empire Strikes Back")
You have the God-given right to go out and step on a land mine.
You have to know what you're looking for before you can find it. (D. Gerrold)
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. (Steve Martin)
You live and learn, or you don't live long.
You may already be a loser. (Sweepstakes letter to Rodney Dangerfield)
You raise your voice when you should reinforce your argument.
You will never see a cat obedience school. (Don Addis)
You're losing your mind. I saw it running down the hall about 10 minutes ago.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. (Dean Martin)
You're not going to believe this, so I'm not going to tell you.
You're only young once, but you can be immature for the rest of your life.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
You're twisted, perverted, and sick. I like that in a person.
Your Zip file is open.
Your proctologist called, they found your head.
Your program is sick! Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
Answer to the radio question of the day: Dog bites.

Ya know, there are a bunch of dogs around these here blog hills.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Random testing

Boy are YOU bored. Checkin' in on ol' Lucy here. Pitiful. I'm never up to anything good.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Seven Tag

I know my seven-digit phone number, my three-digit area code, and my nine-digit zip code. What I don't know is, what is the digit thingie anyway?

Sauerkraut tagged me, so I'll be a good girl and get this out of the way.

Seven things I want to do before I die:

1. See the pyramids
2. Watch my granddaughters mature and be educated
3. See Paris again
4. Be well until I die
5. Write down my life
6. Spend more time with my daughters
7. Take my husband on a cruise

Seven things I can do:

1. Draw pretty well
2. Keep a clean house
3. Have patience
4. Walk forever
5. Bend over and touch the floor without bending my knees
6. Make a good pecan pie
7. Remember lyrics to old songs

Seven things I can't do:

1. Carry a tune in a bucket (or a paper bag)
2. Crochet
3. Water ski
4. Play a musical instrument
5. Sit in the lotus position
6. Keep my mouth shut
7. Sit still

Seven things that attract me to another person:

1. A generous spirit
2. Gentleness
3. Brains
4. Thoughtfulness
5. Humility
6. Integrity
7. Sense of humor

Seven things I say most often:

1. That guy.
2. Well, I never!
3. Just sayin'
4. Yeah, yeah
5. Holy tuna
6. Anyway
7. I love you today (a running joke between my husband and me)

Seven people to do this game:

I don't think most people like to be tagged. But think it over. If you don't have an idea for a post today, here's an "easy button."


It seems to be Monday again.