I'm bored. Might as well bore you.

Radio question of the day: According to an old Kentucky law, it was illegal for a woman to do this four times. What was it?
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I know I'm bored because my matchstick model of the Eiffel Tower is approaching life size. So I started thinking about life. There are not many universal truths in life, but I think that one is no matter how hard you try, you can't run away from your knees. Another is if you rummage in an overgrown garden long enough you will always turn up an old ball. Why is that? And have you noticed? No matter what part of the world they're from, all babies cry in English.

Watching a little TV made me think about what those advertising terms really mean. I think maybe NEW means it's a different color from the old design. ALL NEW means that the parts are not interchangeable with the previous model.

EXCLUSIVE just means it's imported. UNRIVALLED is almost as good as the competition. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT – They finally got one to work. MAINTENANCE FREE –it's impossible to fix. MEETS ALL STANDARDS – their standards, not yours. DIRECT SALES ONLY – Nobody wants to distribute it.

Normally I'm not easily bored by anything else other than television. Bad news is that my husband Niks always has either the television or the radio on. We have a big house, but he's hard-of-hearing so I get to hear a lot of news in spite of being able to go to a different room to avoid that. Good news is that before he gets up, like right now, the silence is wonderful. You know the old saying, When a bore leaves the room, you feel as if someone fascinating just came in. No! I'm not sayin' Niks bores me. You guys. I'm saying the news bores me. So when it's silent around here, I'm entertained by it. It's a meaningful silence.

Niks is not a bore. A bore is someone who has the power of speech, but not the ability to converse. Niks is good at intellectual conversation. Now, if I had intellect, we'd be in business. Anyway the real secret to being a bore is to tell everything. Niks doesn't do that. He waits until I find something out, and then he says, "I told you that! Don't you remember?" Gosh, no honey. You told me there's a dead elephant out in the middle of the street in front of our house? Huh! You'd think I'd remember something like that.

Ambrose Bierce (see Doug's Waking Ambrose for a good time) said that a bore is a person who talks when you want him to listen. Niks doesn't do that either. He doesn't listen but he doesn't talk either.

But Niks has brains. He's like Woody Allen in that his brain is his second-favorite organ. He doesn't have any muscle, but he has brains. When brains are needed, muscles won't help. I can hire muscle.

Well, I'm boring myself here. I guess you left after the first sentence or two. Some friend you are.
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Answer to radio question of the day: It was illegal for a woman to marry the same man four times. Apparently, the man didn't break the law. Those hillbillies.