Friday, November 11, 2005

I'm bored. Might as well bore you.

Radio question of the day: According to an old Kentucky law, it was illegal for a woman to do this four times. What was it?
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I know I'm bored because my matchstick model of the Eiffel Tower is approaching life size. So I started thinking about life. There are not many universal truths in life, but I think that one is no matter how hard you try, you can't run away from your knees. Another is if you rummage in an overgrown garden long enough you will always turn up an old ball. Why is that? And have you noticed? No matter what part of the world they're from, all babies cry in English.

Watching a little TV made me think about what those advertising terms really mean. I think maybe NEW means it's a different color from the old design. ALL NEW means that the parts are not interchangeable with the previous model.

EXCLUSIVE just means it's imported. UNRIVALLED is almost as good as the competition. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT – They finally got one to work. MAINTENANCE FREE –it's impossible to fix. MEETS ALL STANDARDS – their standards, not yours. DIRECT SALES ONLY – Nobody wants to distribute it.

Normally I'm not easily bored by anything else other than television. Bad news is that my husband Niks always has either the television or the radio on. We have a big house, but he's hard-of-hearing so I get to hear a lot of news in spite of being able to go to a different room to avoid that. Good news is that before he gets up, like right now, the silence is wonderful. You know the old saying, When a bore leaves the room, you feel as if someone fascinating just came in. No! I'm not sayin' Niks bores me. You guys. I'm saying the news bores me. So when it's silent around here, I'm entertained by it. It's a meaningful silence.

Niks is not a bore. A bore is someone who has the power of speech, but not the ability to converse. Niks is good at intellectual conversation. Now, if I had intellect, we'd be in business. Anyway the real secret to being a bore is to tell everything. Niks doesn't do that. He waits until I find something out, and then he says, "I told you that! Don't you remember?" Gosh, no honey. You told me there's a dead elephant out in the middle of the street in front of our house? Huh! You'd think I'd remember something like that.

Ambrose Bierce (see Doug's Waking Ambrose for a good time) said that a bore is a person who talks when you want him to listen. Niks doesn't do that either. He doesn't listen but he doesn't talk either.

But Niks has brains. He's like Woody Allen in that his brain is his second-favorite organ. He doesn't have any muscle, but he has brains. When brains are needed, muscles won't help. I can hire muscle.

Well, I'm boring myself here. I guess you left after the first sentence or two. Some friend you are.
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Answer to radio question of the day: It was illegal for a woman to marry the same man four times. Apparently, the man didn't break the law. Those hillbillies.

20 comments:

Beth Danae said...

like your blog, especially the blog header picture :)

mireille said...

Not everyone can be entertained by silence. You're unique, TLP. But we knew that. Re boredom: maybe you need to go back to work? Just a fleeting, stupid idea. xoxo

KristieD said...

Haha...Especially enjoyed you defining those advertising terms for us...Watching those commercials will be all the more fun now!

some thoughts on boredom...

"A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company." -[Gian Vincenzo Gravina (1664 - 1718)]

"A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience." -[John Updike, Assorted Prose (1965)US author (1932 - )]

"The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal." [H. L. Mencken US editor (1880 - 1956)]

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Beth Nordberg - Thanks!

mireille - If I went to work, who would do all the volunteer work that I do? BUT, if I did go to work, it would be at a movie theater. I love the popcorn, and you get to see the movies for free. The one thing that I would NOT do is be an accountant again. I was bored then for sure.

KristieD - Thanks for those! I should cut and paste those into my header.

Lucy said...

Well.. you could try this -- should take care of a couple minutes or so.

http://hereslucy.squarespace.com/journal/2005/10/12/what-do-you-see.html

and when done checkout this http://www.urban75.org/useless/bored.html. I found this via a Google search. Google - they seem to have an answer for just about everything that we need including boredom relief.

Doug said...

For a good time call Doug? Second time I've seen that.

I always know when you mention how boring you are that I should strap in.

If Andy Rooney were as clever as you, I'd watch 60 minutes.

Doug said...

Oh, and I meant to ask about the Kentucky Law. Is there an exception for the immediate family?

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Hey Lucy! Thanks for the tips. I need to waste more time on the 'net.

Good gawd Doug! If I had been lucky enough to be drinkin' coffee I woulda spit it out on the keyboard! LOL. That's a good question about the incessant incestuous marriages. Inbreedin' is probably an exception to the law. It's the preferred form of reproduction in some parts after all.

lime said...

fyi: radio shack sells these cool headset thingy's you can plug into the tv. then youcan mute the tv and the headphone wearer can crank up the volume and not deafen the whole house. we got some for my mother in law because it was PAINFUL to sit in the same room as her and the tv, she turns it up that loud. it has a little station to make the headphones remote. she loves that she canmake a bathroom trip and stillhear her soap opera...lol

Savtadotty said...

You haven't bored me yet. Keep trying.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

You cut that out! You are NEVER boring. And it appears that Mr. TanLucyPez isn't either. Fly on wall could have good time at your house.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Lime - thanks for the tip. I'll check into it.

Savtadotty and Hoss - thanks for sayin' that.

Monique said...

I didn't leave after the first sentence!

Libby said...

TLP..you'd hate my house as much as Kev & Tiff do sometimes then!! I have FOX news on all day! but then, i AM the only one home all day...
BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

Fred said...

Boring: listening to Fred go on and on about the feudalism period and the results of the Crusades.

Now, that's boring.

dddragon said...

Fred, somehow I doubt that!

Come to think of it, I don't think that I've ever been bored in your presence, mom!

Jamie Dawn said...

I've met some real bores in my life. On sight of them, all I can say inside is, "Ohhhh, Myyyy Gaaawwwwd. How can I get out of here without having to talk to them."

I can't even imagine marrying the same guy over and over again. Unless, he became a millionaire or something.

kenju said...

I like the ad lines. We have a commercial here done by a guy who works at a car dealership and he always starts "......the undisputed price leader....". Hate that. I'll bet his prices have been disputed many a time!

Keith said...

"Well, I'm boring myself here"....

Yup! and us!
God. What a boring life you must lead....*sigh*

Excuse me while I go off into a corner for a quiet weep.*sob*
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Just joking.

Lucy Stern said...

Babies cry in a universal language. Not sure if it's english... (I've been baby sitting a three month old for the last two days.)