Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Lies

The Biggest Lies in the World
· The check's in the mail.
· I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.
· I thought I already gave you that money I owed you.
· I promise I'll pay you back next Friday.
· I've never been this drunk before.
· I'll never get this drunk again.
· I've checked this Email out, and it's really not a hoax.
· Now we're even.
· I'm fine.
· We found and fixed the last bug!
· The software will ship on schedule.
· It was as simple as that.
· It's all your fault!
· I love you.
· You don't need to use a condom; I'm on the Pill.
· I don't need a condom; I've had a vasectomy and tested negative for STDs.
· We'll have the repairs on your car done by noon.
· Operator, my calling card number is...
· You look like you haven't aged a day.
· No, I don't think that outfit makes you look fat.
· This is what it will cost to repair your car.
· If elected, I promise...
· You're going to love working here.
· I don't know what you're talking about.
· Nine out of ten people surveyed said...
· Please hold, and a customer service representative will be with you shortly.
· I'll only take a minute of your time.
· 100% compatible with your existing equipment.
· !!Make Money Fast!!
· Lose all the weight you want!
· I'm being totally unbiased.
· For your convenience...
· In order to serve you better...
· I'll call you.
· I never meant to mislead you.
· My wife is okay with me seeing other people; she just doesn't want to know about it.
· I'm not leaving you for him/her; I just need some space to think things through.
· This will only hurt a little.
· This will hurt me more than it does you.
· I'm doing this for your own good.
· It's only for a little while...
· I didn't mean any harm.
· Oh well, no harm done...
· It was an accident.
· I didn't do it.
· I don't know who did it.
· We are experiencing a peak level of call volume...
· No obligation!
· You may already be a winner!
· This product was made in an environmentally friendly manner.
· I know it's none of my business...
· I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but...
· This should be easy.
· To speak to a representative, press "9".
· It's nothing personal.
· This isn't partisan politics; it's for the good of the country.
· I'm not addicted; I can quit smoking any time I want.
· New and Improved!
· Trust me.
· That was special.

22 comments:

Jamie Dawn said...

There's that word "fine" again. Rarely used in a truthful situation.
Good Post.... That was special. (tee-hee)

Chatham said...

You'll find that we cats don't lie. If we don't like something, we'll let you know. You KNOW we do!

Shirazi said...

I expected you today. Thanks for comming. BTW, do you know my blog that covers art and crafts. It is here:

www.thattakedona.blogspot.com

Mike said...

Geeez, according to this I'm a big fat liar. ( pattin' myself on the back here )

Doug said...

Aw, Jamie Dawn stole my thunder.

Shirazi, sorry I left that one out. I couldn't remember the URL.

The Devil said...

The latest Lie! That picture on Soapy's blog. I have enlarged it to show who it REALLY is!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I am such a good boy, I only use one of these: "I didn't do it."

See, I know I didn't do it because I don't do ANYTHING.

actonbell said...

just between you and me...

great post--I enjoyed those:)

Tan Lucy Pez said...

J.D.: yeah, fine whatever.

ChatCat: Yep. You never said you loved me.

Shirazi: No! I missed that.

Mike: Somehow, I just knew that.

Doug: You sleep too late.

Wooo Devil: I'll be right over.

Hoss: I'm not buyin' that. You've been married 5 times. You've got to have used half of these lines.

Acton Bell: You can tell me anything. I can keep a secret.

Sar said...

Wow, TLP, that's a mighty pretty comprehensive list, good job. I had my in-laws staying here over the weekend, so I have these additions to offer:

No, I don't mind if you watch Fox News and The O'Rielly Factor in my house (*turning away to hide grimace*).

--followed by--

Boy I'm really tired, think I'll turn in early and call it a night (*grabbing the laptop on the way upstairs*).

Minka said...

:)
I think the biggest lie still is:
"Waiter, I´d like to pay now!"

dddragon said...

lol, Sar, I've used similar lines, too!

AP3 said...

Thanks, TLP. That was special.

monique said...

Oh, a couple of these really push my buttons!!!

The Lazy Iguana said...

Great list. I might have used a few of those lines.

Some more often than others. I will leave the details as to which lines a mystery.

kenju said...

Great list!

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Love your humor.

How about, "the price of gas will go down." or

Our country is better off today than it was 5 years ago.

Shirazi said...

Here is the URL of Thatta Kedona:

www.thattakedona.blogspot.com

lime said...

your assessment is too true!

Libby said...

Great List!! And, who among us hasn't heard EVERY SINGLE ONE time & time again??
BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

Fred said...

Great list. I'm hooing most of these were not from experience.

Bela said...

I've heard most of them at least once in my life. :-(