Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Survival strategy

My sister Bonnie follows me around in the house...talking. She says "You know what I mean?" constantly. Sometimes she will vary it a little, "You know what I'm sayin'?" She's from Memphis. VERY southern accent. Cute in small doses. Bonnie has NO SMALL doses. She ends each statement with, "but, um"... So that she never is finished talking.

So I'm developing some strategies.

Strategies for survival: sleeping 16 hours a day - sudden bouts of constipation and/or diarrhea that require hours in the bathroom - relay teams of friends/family who call me frequently - movie marathons - visions of how wonderful it will be when two weeks is over - mentally composing chapters in a David Sedaris type novel I will write - arm twisting dddragon and Lucinda to take relief shifts - giving thanks I don't live with her permanently - realization that I probably don't need to listen or answer to most of the chatter - seeing myself on the isle of Capri at some future date.

Bonnie is a good person. However, she is so nervous that she will make YOU nervous too. She calls home to her family several times a day to be sure that they know exactly when to go to the bathroom, and how much toilet paper to use. Her husband has stopped answering the phone. She has even called the neighbors to see what her family is up to. Amazing.

My two sisters who have died always avoided Bonnie at all costs. And here I PAID to have Bonnie come up here. Talk about amazing! But I think dying to avoid Bonnie was going too far. I used to just MISS my sisters. Now I'm pretty annoyed to be left with this one. I gotta talk to them...in my head...about this.

25 comments:

Christine said...

Bonnie sounds like she needs to be the center of attention at all times. Is she the baby of the family? Just wondering

jevanking™ said...

Hey, you flew her up here! How much longer do you have? Hopefully you will make it without any fights. Go see another movie.

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Another healthy strategy for your peace of mind.

Aceept her for who she is, flaws and all, and know that this is the best she can do. This will give you freedom and peace of mind.

Have a good day.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Christine: Nope, I'm the baby of the family. Bonnie is two years older.

Jess: We never fight. She has no idea how tiring she is, and I never let on to her. That's what the blog is for. Eight and a half days to go.

Barbara: wise as always.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Ah, Lucy, you cannot know how much I am enjoying this. Never send Bonnie home -- she is so good for your diary. (O.K., forget I said that part about never...)

GodlessMom said...

I too am enjoying the Bonnie chronicles! In the interest of your sanity however I do think you should send her home at some point. In the meantime, Cinderella Man is out in the theaters and Bewitched starts Friday!

actonbell said...

Um, you've caught that "amazing" virus, haven't you? I'm overwhelmed with wonder with your Bonnie stories:)

thedeviluno said...

I have a sister in-law like that.

Raine said...

Hang in there. You're an "amazing" sister with a "magnificent" amount of patience.

Tom & Icy said...

My first wife, who was killed in an auto accident, was exactly that way and her name was also Bonnie. I now realize how wonderfully irritating her chatter was and how sorrowful the silence is.

The Lazy Iguana said...

Next time, go to visit her. Then you can invent an excuse to book a hotel room. Hang out for as long as you can, then bail out to the hotel!

Great plan huh? This is what I do when I have to go to Mississippi to visit family. My mom might get suckered into staying with one of her sisters or brothers, but I always have a refuge to go to.

None of the Mississippi family drink, because they are either on the AA wagon OR they are too holy and drinking is a huge sin. I need a place where I can drink a beer in my boxer shorts while eating cold pizza or else I EXPLODE!

natasha said...

How about investing in some flesh-coloured ear plugs? She never needs to know.

Smile and nod, smile and nod.

:D

Doug said...

You're a fine sister. The nervous chatter is an interesting trait. I noticed it in a girl I worked with years ago. At meetings she'd run on and on and when people got visibly annoyed, I once tried to send her little body language signals to wrap it up and everytime she caught one she'd speed up until she sounded like one of Alvin's chipmunks.

Fred said...

Call her husband - I bet he also has some creative strategies to tune her out.

A Little Bar of Soap said...

Has Bonnie found Jesus?

Anna said...

I just discovered you blog and you're hilarious- You have to take that line off about it being a boring blog!
Also, you're a very nice sister. Don't let her take you serenity :)

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Good luck with Bonnie...I have a friend-who-isn't-a-friend-but-shows-up-everywhere like that. At least you haven't killed her yet!

mireille said...

dear TL -- nope, didn't get around to fragrance today and it's 4:30 PDT. Will play with samples later and keep you filled in. Did you know lavender often provides a sense of well-being and serenity when one's sister won't shut up? Just sayin. At least you're not parenting a murderous gecko. xoxoxo

dddragon said...

fred: lol - she calls home constantly and Uncle has stopped answering. Now she calls the neighbors ...

Always_Adventuring said...

Lol, how hilarious. You actually paid for her flight! You really are a glutton for punishment aren't you?

Saur♥Kraut said...

OMG, I laughed over this one. I know the type so well! Great post!!!

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