Tuesday, September 20, 2005


Anybody out there listen to country music? I caught the top 20 songs this morning on the radio. Here they are:

1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long. Sounds true enough. Don't like those brown stains myself.

2. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You. Maybe this is a touch childish behavior. Dunno.

3. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me. Well, duh. Anytime the phone don't ring, it's probably me not calling.

4. How Can I Say I Miss You When I Cain't GetchaTa Leave? Definitely true.

5. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well. I feel your pain.

6. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better. Oldie but a goodie.

7. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win. S'pose it would suit you better if she lost?

8. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight. Don't believe him!

9. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here.

10. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now. There's a lesson here.

11. I Thought I Had Tourette's, But I Just Like Talkin' Dirty To You. Me 'n everybody else.

12. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger. S**t happens.

13. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly. Rude. Just rude.

14. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure.

15. She's Looking Better After Every Beer. Another DUH!

16. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman, but I've Sure Woke Up With A Few. Honey, the woman on the other side of the bed feels the same way.

17. My sweetie said he needed more space, so I locked him outside. Smooth move.

18. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. Another oldie.

19. In the book of life, the answers ain't in the back.

20. How Come I Feel like the Mornin' After When I Wasn't Nowhere the Night Before? Walking in your sleep?

And a runner up was: Tearstains on My Pillow Are the Only Wet Spots in My Bed.

Now, I'm not going to post that last one 'cause it's kinda not so PG13, maybe. On the other hand, who the heck is still reading this thing? So, guess I'll just be lazy and not bother erasing it.


Lesser_Lumpkin said...

Well that succeeded in cracking me up and I hate country music. There's nothing for it so you'll just have to forgive me. After reading this post though I may have to check with my country listening friends to get the latest great one-liners.
The Lumpy

Jamie Dawn said...

Blame it on Tourette's!
Those are funny. I guess everyone and everything looks better with each beer. Maybe not Owen, though.

actonbell said...

OMG. I was just reading on Pinkette's blog how much she liked OLD country music, such as Johnny Cash and Patsy Cline, but has passed on it ever since Achy Breaky Heart. I have to agree, it's not just insipid, it's lewd!

kenju said...

That woman in #14 has been doing what the person in #1 was doing, no doubt!

These are so funny!

Minka said...

Here is what i know about teh subject of Country music...Nashville Tennessee!

Fred said...

I have never listened to country music, and probably never will. My kids love it, though. (Despite my best efforts.)

Nonetheless, this post may be the spark that at least gets me to sample the music. Maybe.

Doug said...

I like (pre-achy-breaky) Country Music and those are great titles. If your phone still ain't ringin' you know it still ain't me actually is a real song. Vern Gosdin, I think.

AP3 said...

Those are pretty funny! Country is the only type of popular music that I just can't handle.

Doug said...

Aral, I hear what you're saying but I'd take a bullet for Merle Haggard and probably would for Waylon Jennings and Johnny Cash if there were any point to it.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

I'm not into Country Music myself. But it's hard to miss it while looking for a good station on the car radio. That's why I mostly listen to CD's.

My all-time favorite REAL title is, I've Got Tears in my Ears from Lying on my Back Crying Over You.

mireille said...

yee HAW! Saniflush! *busy writing down all the really good ones for later use* zockso!

Doug said...

Don't forget the classic Yer a tornado in the trailer park of love (Climbin' in the window agin')

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I knew something filthy was coming up, so I quit reading right after you said "...erasing it."

There actually was a song once saying "She got the gold mine, and I got the shaft."

Doug said...

Jerry Reed

Tom & Icy said...

So funny. Woof!

A Little Bar of Soap said...

My favorite country song is "(I Don't Care If It Rains Or Freezes, Long As I Got My) Plastic Jesus".

schnoodlepooh said...

Those are good! I love your comments to them.

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Does Willy Nelson count?

What a riot! I really like little bar's comment...(snicker.)

mireille said...

also: birthday Motown for Niks! Zockso!

Nothing you could say
Can tear me away from my guy
Nothing you could do
Cause I'm stuck like glue to my guy

I'm stickin to my guy like a stamp to a letter
Like birds of a feather
We..... stick together
I will tell you from the start
I can't be torn apart from my guy.

Nothing you can do
Could make me untrue to my guy
Nothing you could buy
Could make me tell a lie to my guy...
I gave my guy my word of honor
To be faithful, and I'm gonna
You best be believing
I won't be deceiving my guy...

As a matter of opinion
I think he's tops..
My opinion is he's the cream of the crop
As a matter of taste to be exact
He's my ideal as a matter of fact..

No muscle bound man could take my hand from my guy
No handsome face could ever take the place of my guy
He may not be a movie star
But when it comes to be happy we are..
There's not a man today who could take me away
from my guy
No muscle bound man could take my hand
from my guy
No handsome face could ever take the place
of my guy

He may not be a movie star
But when it comes to be happy we are..
There's not a man today who could take me away
from my guy
There's not a man today who could take me away
from my guy