Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Stupid Chatter

I visited a site recently where the writer had posted about how we Americans don’t use proper English. ‘Course, she was right about that. But now I’m real self-conscious of how I write. Okay, so I should have written really in that last sentence. Like that. It’s makin’ it kinda hard to write anything. Ya know?

So like, I know that it behooves a writer to eschew archaic expressions, and like that. So I won’t be doin’ that.

And mixed metaphors are a pain in the neck and they oughta be thrown out the window. So I’ll watch that, too. Guess I’ll be avoiding clichés like the plague on top of it all.

I know better than to use hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively. Plus you shouldn’t be redundant; don't repeat yourself or say what you've said before.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? You guys.

Dang! Can’t write much more anyway. This computer is messin’ with me again. Something about “backing up my hard drive.” Heck, how do I put it in reverse?

You know, whom computers would destroy, they must first drive insane. No smart jokes out there about what a short walk that would be for me.

Now the thing is saying, “Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.” Wait, now it’s flashing, “Press any key to continue, or any other key to quit.”

Oh, boy, now it’s claiming “New mail not found. Start whine/pout sequence? (Y/N)” Well, duh, Yes of course.

Once, when my speakers where still speaking to me, it actually said out loud, “As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.” I had to disconnect the speakers then. The voices in my head are quite enough thank you.

21 comments:

Jamie Dawn said...

You're really nutty today, TLP.
My brother and I have used redundance often in our e-mails and phone conversations over the years. We usually say stuff like, "Plus, also, in addition to, as well as."

schnoodlepooh said...

My english is crappy. People probably laugh (or groan) when they read my posts. Oh well...

Keith said...

Now who needs psychiatric help then?

Ya wanna learn to speek good inglish like wot I do...

Mary said...

I just HATE when my computer starts talking back to me. It's very irritating.

Thanks, I needed that laugh today!

mireille said...

clever, CLEVER lucy!! xoxo

OldHorsetailSnake said...

A psychiatrist could help you, Lucy, or maybe a doctor.

This is as funny as a one-armed paperhanger with the itch who lived in a glass house and gathered no moss.

still life said...

Don't take no sass from a computer! Turn him off mid sentence if you have to, but you need to take control.

actonbell said...

Wow, you got more computer jokes than you can shake a stick at. One of these days, one of these annoyances will be the last straw. Hey, but don't borrow trouble--better to whistle past the graveyard.

Doug said...

It's also important, in using proper language, not to over-rely on compound complex sentences when what you are trying to say may be and probably is really quite simple, and it is often the case that a series of sentences of mixed length and in a well-thought out order can express a thought both more clearly and in a manner for more pleasing to the ear and eye. Just sayin'

AP3 said...

You are silly, TLP! Good entry!

Tan Lucy Pez said...

You guys are good! Well, except for those who think I'm silly. I'm not silly. I'm NUTZ.

NWJR said...

I once had an hp scanner spit out the following error message: "An unknown error has occured. This is probably a bad thing".

Computers. So helpful.

Tom & Icy said...

Face it. Time to trade in that old Commodore 64.

Bela said...

I wish my computer would speak to me. It would be polite: I speak to it.

Libby said...

TLP...YOU aren't the one who needs the psychiatrist...your COMPUTER does!! Make an appointment for it, now!!
BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

dddragon said...

Hey, we've got an old Commodore in our basement!

Doug said...

No way, Dddragon! We had a PET. 8 kilobytes of ram just rarin' to be uncaged

The Lazy Iguana said...

I like to give the language police the finger :)

Minka said...

Language is something that is best expressed through mimics and gestures
:)
The best conversation I ever had was with a man from Finland. He did not speak a word of English or German or Icelandic for that matter. I was lost there between one of those huge forrests when I saw him walking somewhere in the distance. I followed him and gave him quite a fright. Close up I must have looke quite innocent, so we just sat down and talked with hands and feet and pictures in the sand. I remember laughing a lot. And I found my way back to my guesthouse.

Monique said...

I love your wit and humor!

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