It's 1973. Maybe May. The weather is warm. About time for the kids to come home from school. Our son Kevin is in the second grade. He walks in the front door and immediately says, "Where's Acton Bell?"
"She's at Girl Scouts," I tell him.
"When she gets home, she's probably gonna tell you some big ol' lie about me!"
"Oh? And what big ol' lie might she tell?" I ask him.
"She's probably going to say that I punched the lunch lady in the face."
"Kevin!" I yelled. "How could you?"
"I climbed up on a chair in the lunchroom."
Oh, man! We just moved here in January. We're already those crazy liberals from California. Now everyone will know that our kids are on the road to hell to boot, or at least the road to jail.
He started explaining how the lunch lady had shoved him because he had gotten into a fight with her darling boy, Billy. Guess darling Billy hadn't learned to take up for himself, 'cause our boy Kevin was the smallest in the class. Physically the smallest that is. Walked tall. The boys had not exactly had an all out fight, but there were some ugly words flying around, and of course, Kevin was a great debater. I have no doubt that he threw a lot of verbal punches. The boy had a mouth on him.
Mrs.-Billy's-Mother had no right to shove our son, but of course HE had no right to hit her. Kevin said she got right in his face, yadda, yadda, yadda. I told him he had to call her and apologize. Not tryin' to raise a Dennis the Menace here.
I called Mrs.-Billy's-Mother and had Kevin tell her that he was sorry. Naturally he wasn't sorry, but that's beside the point. Anyway.
Acton Bell came home. "Got anything to tell me?" I asked.
"No," she said, all innocence.
"How about Kevin slugging the lunch lady?"
"Oh! That! Yeah. A cheer went up in the lunchroom when he did that."
Those kids.
15 comments:
You say you're reading? I'd say with stories like this you could write your own book. And it wouold probably be better! Great story telling.
It would have been funnier if you son said "This is for the horrible mystery meatloaf" before he slugged the lunch lady.
haha!! give him a high-five from everybody who thought lunch-ladies couldn't cook!!
LibbY!
And thirty years later, it still happens that way. I see it all the time.
Gah! Why does everyone have to refer to me as "Kiddie B"?!
LOL ~~ sorry kiddo, it's my fault for starting it. Actually, blame the doctor and the hospital. All twins born second (or are assumed to be second-born) are labeled "B" from the very beginning. In your case, at week 17 of gestation.
How's THAT for TMI?
That brought back very distinct memories of my elementary school lunchroom lady. She was Mexican and would yell, "No talking in the Launsh-room."
Yes, there was no talking allowed in the cafeteria while we ate lunch. Isn't that the stupidest rule you've ever heard of?
I hope your son isn't in the habit of slugging people these days.
Tak, I never call you Kiddie B.
That's such a crazy story about Nivek Army Ranger Pez. He was a piece of work sometimes, that one!
And wasn't actonbell (Rahs Speedy Gonzalez Pez) sweet not to rat him out? She even tried to put a positive spin on it, God bless her!
I always found it amazing that these grownups could bully kids so easily in school. I used to get very frustrated when I was a kid, because I felt that many of these adults were really control freaks, who chose to teach because they had access to lots of 'victims'. I went to private school...maybe that's why I feel that way.
Yes, that WAS sweet of Acton Bell. So different from some other sisters I might name who rushed home -- forget the #$%^ girlscouts -- so she could be sure to rat out her brother before he had a chance to defend himself. heh. Obviously the Patented Pez Quality Parenting course was not presented in our neighborhood. xoxoxo
And thirty years later it's still very very funny! I love that Acton Bell did not see this as a rat-ible offense.
I would like to snuffle a baby like that- just smell his head once or twice and taste the fingers...
Thank you for commenting on my Wednesday guest post at Waking Ambrose. But I don't get it. Are you candy or human?
One of the mechanics who built me dropped a pez candy in my torso and it makes funny rattling noises when I move about.
Great story! It sounds like the lunch lady needed a good slug!
And then on Day 2 did he get the Principal?
I think instead of "Kiddie B" maybe "Esau?"
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