Friday, October 07, 2005

Bad Hair Day. As if that were new.

Listening to soft rock in the morning. Radio question of the day: 45 thousand North Americans are injured by this each year. What is it?

I don't even have a guess. I'll just have to wait and ponder and see what the answer is. Half the time I'm no longer listening when the answer is finally revealed. So you might never know the answer. 'Course if you were doing something better with your time right now, you wouldn't even know the question. So you're 50 percent ahead right now.

My hair seems life-threatening this morning. Life-threatening to folks who have to look at it, which I never do. Well, that part's a lie. Not the part in my hair. That's true enough. Well, not true as in straight. I'm not gonna be all hung up on a straight part in my hair. In fact it doesn't actually have a part. Exactly.

Where was I?

I was talkin' about something or other here. Let's s...oh yeah, the part, as in portion, of what I was sayin' that is a lie, is that I never look at my hair. I do catch glimpses now and again. That's why I know that it is in a bad stage.

Some people would argue that worrying about what your hair looks like is idiotic. Oh, wait. I am those people. Never mind.

My mother, who we called Mama, worried about her hair all the time. Mama hated windy days because her hair might get messed up. She got a perm the day before she died. She died at age 91. At the time I remember thinking how pleased she would be that she looked nice. Wouldn't want to hit the undertaker's table on a bad-hair day.

Once she introduced me to someone and she pointed out to them that my hair was whiter than hers. That Mama. Always braggin' on me.

Every now and then I wonder why I don't dye my hair. Then it hits me: "Oh that's right! I'm too lazy." You can't just dye your hair once and be done with it. You have to keep after it. Touch up the roots. Like that. Some people get their hair highlighted. But I wonder if that doesn't imply that they feel that some strands are more important than others. I don't want half-conceited hair. Don't want half-disgruntled hair either.

It's raining. Hard. Very hard. So no walk outside today. All this fret over hair just to go down to the basement and trod on the treadmill. But, see, you never know where the fashion police might be.

By a toilet. No, silly. The fashion and hair police aren't by a toilet. Might be IN the toilet, but not just hanging around a toilet.

A toilet injures 45 thousand North Americans each year. Happy to say, I've never been one of them.

30 comments:

OldHorsetailSnake said...

How can that happen? They sit down with the seat up? Women always say, "Seat up," then they go sit down without saying "Seat down." Or maybe it's groin pull from all the straining? Or stubbing toes on the porcelain? (Not if they have one of my Toe Stub Prevention Machines, by golly.)

Only other thing I could think of is when women wash their hair in the toilet and get knee bruise. That would account for some of it, I guess.

dddragon said...

A TOLIET? how?

dddragon said...

oh, this last week of "Pickles" comic strip has been about the toliet.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

I was thinking maybe a guy might call in sick, "Uh, you know how long my dick is? Well the toilet seat fell down on it while I was peeing." Like that.

AP3 said...

Ew, TLP!

Huh, the toilet. That's weird.

I think your hair is lovely!

You are silly.

Mary said...

Maybe the women are falling IN the toilet because the seats been left up? Now one would think that you would notice that before sitting down, but not always! Maybe middle of the night run you just aren't paying attention?

No that hasn't happenned to me. I swear. Really.

I love the disgruntled and conceited hair, I can always come here for a laugh. I would think that would get a little old too. You might have part of your hair trying to be messed up (cause they are disgruntled) and the other half trying to stay in place. Could get ugly.

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Tom & Icy said...

What a scene or image! Listening to soft rock on a rainy bad hair day and trying to figure how people get injured with a toilet. That rain is really cold, by the way. Feels like sleet or something.

Big Dave T said...

I believe bikes also are responsible for roughly 45,000 injuries a year.

natasha said...

Did you just say "dick", Luce?

Shit woman, there's no reason to be so goddamn rude.

Sar said...

TLP - that has to be one of the funniest posts I've read in a long time (okay, not that long, Aral's was pretty funny today too - it's an urban legend, pass it along!). I just had a "mini retouch" last week. Unnecessarily fancy term for color & highlight touch up. Pampered laziness at its best. :) And you're right there is no such thing as a good hair day when it rains. It's raining here too, so my mini retouched hair can relate.

Still curious about the toilet though. Makes me think of that ad "I've fallen and I can't get up!".

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Sorry, Natasha. I don't know what got into me. Shoulda said "penis." I try not to offend anyone here. But I was trying to be realistic. You know, you never hear guys refer to their penis. They call it anything else but a penis.

But it's a penis, and by gosh, that's what I'm gonna call it. Just call it what it is. A penis. It might be attached to a dick, but then again, it might be attached to a nice guy who would want me to call it a penis.

Or not.

Jamie Dawn said...

A toilet? I don't get it. Are there out of contol bidets on these toilets or something?

No walk today, huh? What a shame. There'll be no excursions into the bushes in search of turnips with your male friends. So sad.
You posted a pic of you and your daughters awhile back. You look great, and your hair color is not a negative feature. It certainly isn't an issue when it comes to making park acquaintances.

Doug said...

*Blush*

Libby said...

TLP...i have one question...did they say whether most of the injuries were males or females?
BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

Keith said...

Ah gee, Luce, I was going to say it could be a trapped dick, sorry, willy under the seat. At my age, I dont think it would happen to me. Things get a little short as you get older.....like money, beer, women, etc.

Amber said...

TLP said: "But I wonder if that doesn't imply that they feel that some strands are more important than others. I don't want half-conceited hair. Don't want half-disgruntled hair either."

AHAHAHAHAHA! Thank you for the laugh. :-)

As for the toilets...hmmm...maybe as they walk up to the toilet, they slip and fall *into* the toilet and drown/crack their head open/something terrible.

I mean...honestly. Toilets?

Who knew? Now I'm a little scared of mine.

Is it sitting there plotting, or what?

natasha said...

Heh. Ever play the penis game as a kid?

PENIS!!!!!

actonbell said...

Bad hair day? You got lots of hair. To many people your age, that would be just wonderful, all the time!
(I don't know what the penis game is.)

If you wanted to color your hair, you could just make regular appointments for a touch-up every few weeks. Could be relaxing. Like a manicure:)

natasha said...

The Penis Game (2-4 players):

Find any public place. One person starts by whispering the word "penis". The next person must say it louder. This continues until all but one person refuses to say it. The person who screams "penis" the loudest wins.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Let me guess Natasha, YOU win this game a lot. My money's on you girl.

Bet I could give you a run for your money though.

kenju said...

So funny!

I am sorry that I started dyeing my hair years ago. I would like to stop, but the hairdresser says I can't because my hair is too wild if there's no dye in it. He's right, but I am not sure I care anymore. I'd like to let it grow long, let it go gray and wear it in a bun on top of my head.

still life said...

Oh my, things are getting a bit randy over here. Penises attached to dicks, talk of toilets and hair on strike.... where is LBOS when you need her?

Keith said...

My friend William lost his in a car accident (not in the toilet!), so they fitted him up with a plastic one. He keeps it at the side of the bed at night, next to his false teeth. He has to fit it before going to the toilet. This is true!

Just think of the possiblities. He can leave it with his wife when he goes on business trips, hire it out, etc.....

Fred said...

I never knew what a bad hair day was until I started growing this mop. Now I have to be concerned with slit ends, conditioner, pony ties (the right one is very important), and all the other stuff.

Being a girl is very hard.

Mike said...

I hit my chin once while praying to the Porcelain God after a heavy night of drinking. Payback I reckon'?

schnoodlepooh said...

You people and your penis jokes! Too funny! I can't imagine how someone would get injured on the toilet. Once I almost fell off, but that's because I wasn't looking where I was sitting. No dick penis willy involved.

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

A toliet??? Please pray tell, how does that happen? I am sure this has nothing to do with STDs!

Ariella said...

I have been injured by a toilet, the lid fell on my head when I was trying to get a drink.
Not a proud moment, but hey...
these things happen.

Andrew Donaldson said...

"A toilet injures 45 thousand North Americans each year." I don't care how much I need to go, I am never using THAT toilet. Sorry for the potty humor...