Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Lollipop lollipop o lolli lolli

Call my shrubberies lollipops, tell ya why...

My husband Niks and I came home from having lunch out with friends to find that our yard guy, Tyrone, had been here. Tyrone makes lollipops and squares. That's it. That Tyrone. Lollipops and squares are his entire repertoire. Well, maybe the one boxwood is getting sorta pointy, but that might not be entirely on purpose.

I think when Ty needs a few bucks in the summer when we haven't had enough rain to make the grass grow a lot, he just drops in on his various customers and shares his lollipoping talents with them. Even if the bushes don't actually need to be trimmed. He does have two guys working for him, and they hafta make a livin'. One of them has two teeth. A tooth takes a little upkeep. Multiply that by two, and well, you can see the guys have to stay busy.

As usual he even squared off the Azalea and Rhododen bushes. Of course they had already set buds and should not be trimmed. Somehow this never keeps them from not having plenty of blooms in the spring.

If you are wondering why I keep Tyrone in spite of his lack of talent, it's because (1) he's faithful and true. We've gone on three-month trips, and he keeps the place looking lived-in. I mean really, any house with lollipop topped bushes on stick trunks has to be occupied, right?
(2) He's never killed anything. Not even a weed. (3) He clears our drive and walk of snow in the winter. So I just enjoy the snow. (4) I don't like to sweat, so I'm not doin' any of this stuff. (5) He works right through hunting season. Rakes those pine needles all fall. Now if you live in South Central PA, you know that laboring men disappear during hunting season. You'd think the rapture had come and taken them. Not our Ty. 'Course maybe he's a big ol' sinner and won't be taken in the rapture, but ... (6)He cleans up real nice. Sweet blue eyes.

Everything always grows back anyway. And sometimes if we're here when he comes to do trimming we laugh so hard watching him throwing that buzz saw around, we figure we ought to pay him just for the entertainment.

Oh! To all those who suggested that we just eat out all the time during the kitchen revamp: trust me, my stove asks for ID whenever I approach it.


The Lazy Iguana said...

Every so often I think I want to plant some hedges so I can sculpt them into something cool. Like a giant alligator. But then I run out of beer and pass out. When I wake up I have forgotten all about it.

I think to make and real design you need to build a frame for the hedge to grow around. This may be why your hedge guy only does squares and gum drops.

I stole some of your Bush pictures.

PI said...

This week - prior to family visiting I've spent everyday getting the house ready and then dashing out to do a bit of gardening and I would die for a Tyrone.

Doug said...

I had a feeling you lived in a land of lollies.

TLP said...

Lazy one, just keep drinking the beer. Bushes should be left natural in my opinion. Including that BUSH.

PI, Everyone should have a Tyrone. Several of my neighbors have also hired him as their yard guy now. But he always, always, does my stuff first. (And I got him through a friend.)

TLP said...

Douglas, you slipped in the front door. I was watching the back door.
I live in the freak tent at the circus. YOU live in lala land.

neva said...

laughing here, even as i commiserate with you. we had a guy who used to do our yard, that might have been Ty's brother. his name was Cecil. Cecil with no front teethils. poor guy. sadly, he had no "lollies" in his shrub trimming repertoire, and so would simply cut the shrubs down to nothing. NOTHING. trees, too. aieee. i think we finally had to fire him after we ran out of bushes, and he started eyeing our house.

that Cecil... ; )

AP3 said...

"A tooth takes a little upkeep. Multiply that by two, and well, you can see the guys have to stay busy." LOL