Monday, August 01, 2005

Probing PA Troopers

I spent part of the day on Monday weeding out old stuff that I had in my filing cabinet. Try to do it once a year, but I'm bad about stopping in the middle of this project, and never getting all the way to the end. Today I did the entire two-drawer cabinet. Feeling mighty proud. I like things to be clean and neat.
If I were a flea, I'd live as far as possible from the dog's butt. That's the kind of person I am. Like that. Now I have a clean, as in pretty-darn-near-empty, filing cabinet. I like that in a filing cabinet.

In the old articles I had saved I found one that made me laugh again, as it had the first time. You have to laugh, 'else you'll cry. Or maybe you'll do both.

I saved this article to send to the male half of the couple who used to live across the street. I think I did send it, or that is to say, a copy of it. Apparently I couldn't bring myself to part with the original.

It's dated Saturday, September 8, 2001. You know, maybe September 11 made me forget about sending it. Huh! I wonder. Anyway. The article was in the Harrisburg Patriot-News, and written by Mike Crissey, of the Associated Press. What follows in quotes is copied straight from the newspaper. I swear to you that I can't make up anything this good.

Title: Cop sex rules to be revised Subtitle: Undercover troopers' case prompts stricter guidelines.

"The Pennsylvania State Police are revising their policies to spell out when undercover officers go too far to get evidence after a pair of troopers accepted oral sex during a sting at a massage parlor.

"The two troopers, whose identities weren't released, paid a woman $60 each for oral sex on July 19 while undercover at a massage parlor in Duncannsville, about 75 miles east of Pittsburgh, according to court records.

"State police vice detectives statewide have been told that officials are writing a new policy, which would likely require undercover troopers to get permission from their superiors before having sex during an investigation,...."
Can you hear it now? Hey, Sergeant, can I get a blow job today? Using state funds? Huh, huh, can I? Please?

"...the new rules could go so far as to prohibit troopers from having sex during investigations except in life-and-death situations."
That's harsh. Geez, how 'bout....if I don't get laid today, I'll just die.? Reason enough? Life-or-death? Who are they kidding?

"To some extent you have to rely on your people to make the right decisions on the fly," (Maj. Ralph Parlandi speaking) "Their heart was in the right place." (sic)
Oh, those were their HEARTS coming out of their flies. That's okay then.

"Although troopers are trained that money changing hands is enough for a prostitution charge there is nothing that spells out what to do in this particular situation."
Well, if you don't tell the boys what to do, I guess they'll just make it up as they go along...Oh, I'm sure they made it UP all right.

The article goes on to say that "the troopers weren't criminally charged and weren't disciplined...." And "In terms of the extra steps that they took, we recommended against it" (but) "the troopers' actions were no worse than undercover officers buying drugs to acquire evidence."
OH! Right! I see no difference at all. Do you?

BTW, the article ends with a sentence about the woman "who touched them sexually," saying, "(name) pleaded guilty to two counts of prostitution, paid a $458 fine and reportedly left town." Can't say that I blame her. Who wants to hang around and pay taxes in a state like this? After all, she KNOWS where your tax dollar goes.
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AP3 said...

That story is so gross, really. I sure hope those cops weren't married or significantly attached to anyone!

Why the naked hockey players?

The Lazy Iguana said...

Cool. If the cops were in Miami, they would have billed the $60 to the department.

After all, cops should not have to pay to collect evidence!

Doug said...

Iguana, I think they were actually the evidence collectees.

I apologize for this one but I wondered what "polish the badge" was.

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GodlessMom said...

Talk about fringe benefits!

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Aral: When I did a search for cops on Google images, this photo was there. I just had to go with it. Sorry. Nice butts, ya know? Maybe they are cops in disguise.

Lazy I: Oh, the state of Pennsylvania DID pay for these blow jobs.

Doug: Apparently polishing knobs and badges is the same thing.

Godless Mom: I just hope they are on the fringe and not actually the main stream of cops.

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Oh my! Talk about fringe benefits!

But I must admit the picture is rather interesting.

AP3 said...

Also... "The troopers' actions were no worse than undercover officers buying drugs to acquire evidence." I must comment. I would say that the troopers' actions were MORE like undercover officers buying drugs and then USING/smoking/shooting up the drugs, know what I'm sayin'? Geez Louise. The whole thing is just so gross!!!

Jamie Dawn said...

They probably went home that day to their wives and said: I've had such a hard day at work today. I really could use some lovin'.
That woman got paid $60 and had to pay $458. I wonder what she thinks of those undercover cops. She might think twice before offering her services again.

schnoodlepooh said...

Oh that's pretty funny. Life and death situation??? Come on now. I can tell their hearts (and their penises!) were in the right place. Too hilarious!

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OldHorsetailSnake said...

Did they get those beejers from two different women, or did one of them have to take sloppy seconds? Hoo boy.

natasha said...

Did they pump her stomach for evidence?

Sorry, I just couldn't resist. :P (Kind of like those two cops, I guess!)

Fred said...

Did anyone steal my line about "swallowing the evidence" yet?

You're right - you couldn't make tht stuff up. Unbelievable.

actonbell said...

Haha! That's certainly a keeper. I agree with Aral's second comment--these cops are definitely users.

A Little Bar of Soap said...

Filth, filth, filth! VILE! DEVIL, get thee OUT!

mireille said...

*looks around suspiciously* Was Rick Santorum born when this was happening? xoxoxo

Saur♥Kraut said...

Yikes! I'm on your side, here. I never imagined that cops would actually take part in prostitution!!! I feel sorry for their significant others...

Tom & Icy said...

If you were a flea, I hope you be near my ear, then I'd laugh too hard to scratch!