Thursday, August 18, 2005

Just a buncha words

I love words. They're just plain fun. Doug has about the best site that exists for words.

But he's too smart for me. I'm just your regular, simple fool, who ain't so sofistedcated as some. So if you're lookin' for smart. Don't look here. It's pointless. Pointless is a rule of etiquette. It means it's considered rude to point. Or like sometimes, words have a second meaning, so then pointless means a football game that ends zero-zero.

I used to be an Accountant. That's a financial manager for ants. I suppose it could be a person who numbers ants as they come out of their little mounds, but that was beneath me. Later I was an Analyst. An Analyst is the keeper of a large index of buttocks. Butt, I retired. I was tired some days when I was still working, and now I'm tired all over again.

The only reason I am up in the computer room typing is because I was leaving a hindprint in the TV room. A hindprint is an indentation made by a couch potato. But you knew that.

Here's some words that I learned from the Washington Post. You all probably know these words, so you don't have to read them. In fact reading them may give you Deja Moo. You know, that feeling that you've heard this bull before.

I was going to begin the way you do when you eat cherries. You know, choose and eat the best ones first. Like that. But then I always end by eating them all anyway. So I'm just going to type. Eat one or two, or all, or none. I'll never know.

Hozone: the area around 6th street, maybe 3rd street in your town.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as Gomer Pyle.
Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. I don't really understand that one, but I will keep trying.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. I'm afraid I may be catching this.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. See George W. Bush.
Tatyr: a lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
Conratemps: the resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers.
Writer's tramp: a woman who practices poetic licentiousness.
Guillozine: a periodical for executioners.
Emasculathe: a tool for castration.
Burglesque: a poorly planned break-in. I think they mean like Watergate or something.
(Burglarize are what a crook sees with, and Polarize are what penguins see with, but that's got nothing to do with nothin'.)
Eunouch: the pain of castration. Emphasis is on the ouch I think.
Hindkerchief: really expensive toilet paper, like maybe toilet paper at Buckingham palace.
Nazigator: an overbearing member of your carpool.
Impotience: eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.
Adulatery: cheating on your wife with a much younger woman who holds you in awe. The young woman in this case has the kinda stupidity, against which, God Himself is helpless.
Antifun gal: a prude. Some of these gals may be plums in the beginning, but end up as prunes. Sad. Really sad.
Vaseball: a game of catch played by children in the living room.

Well, gotta get to bed. There's always tomorrow, which is one of the greatest labor savings devices of today.

I have this lullabuoy in my head. That's an idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep. I think that's Natasha's fault. She got me started on this song....


AP3 said...

I love your sense of humore, n., humor that gives more and more laughts?

AP3 said...

I just did one of these silly things over at Doug's in your honor: pissimism, n., A tendency to believe that one will always be pissed on by life.

Doug said...

Thanks for the nice mention but more for making me laugh for five minutes straight. And you're right, of course, I am so brilliant I didn't notice the girl in the men's room.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Folks, Doug is telling you true. He's really smart about words, but... he did piss in front of a gasp! girl! . But I'm pretty sure that it doesn't count, 'cause she was on the phone. You can ask him about it.

Aral I like that. I will steal it.

Tom & Icy said...

Great way to start the day! Thanks.

Doug said...

Yeah, Tan Lucy, you should have hung up and paid me a compliment then.

Jamie Dawn said...

Your posts are always wonderfully written and very witty.
I agree that Doug's site is highly refined and intelligent. That's why I go there.... to crash the party!

natasha said...

Burglesque Show: scantily clad thieves performing for the enjoyment of women.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

excusical. apologies for singing off-key.

pretty bad, hoss.

Doug said...

Pretensile, adj.Pretending to be intelligent and refined while eating hay.

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

With all due respect, tan lucy, but I think you are one hell of a smart woman! And you have beautiful and spirited pezs as well.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

LOL. Bunch of good ones here! I will appropriate them all. I have no shame. Thanks everyone.

*aside to Doug* It was an important call and I wasn't lookin' at you. Just didn't see that sign...

schnoodlepooh said...

You CRACK ME UP!!! Tan Lucy, you are freakin' hilarious and your commentors above are too stinkin' witty. how can I keep up with this crowd? I do agree about Doug. I visit his site, but I'm so ignorant that I don't comment. And I DISAGREE about your site, Tan Lucy, you are smart, witty, and FUNNY! And you used to be an accountant. There's an oxymoron - witty accountant. I do understand because I'm a bean counter too. Don't count ants, just beans, lots and lots and lots of beans. It could put me to sleep, kind of like counting sheep only less interesting.... yawn.... zzzzzzzzz

Fred said...

Was it the late hour that made you so punchy? This is hilarious. After I make my comment, I'm going back to read it again.

Yes, Doug is pretty sharp. I'm new to his site, and that crowd is way above me.

Deja Moo. Great, absolutely great.

still life said...

i love them all! reintarnation has to be my favorite.
However are tatyr tots actually little bastards?

Tan Lucy Pez said...

I knew that you guys were smart and all that, but you've outdone yourselves! Bravo! Brilliant.

If you had told me these definitions before, I could have included them in the post. *sigh* See?

You see what I'm sayin'? Try to give the comment sooner. Like before I post. Then my blogging would be better. It's a win/win situation. Okay?

Okay. Tomorrow is a new day. Send me your comments for my tomorrow's post first thing in the morning, before I write it. Things will work really well then.

actonbell said...

LOL! Great Friday Post! Liked the last one, too--really cracked up over hozone.

Urban Chick said...

this is what happened when i read this post:

pause for nanosecond
pause for nanosecond
pause for nanosecond

mr chick is demanding to know the cause of my mid-morning-need-another-coffee-quick sniggering cause it just ain't normal

thanks for this! brilliant!

p.s. will try to post comments ahead of your post in future - it seems only reasonable

natasha said...

Comment for next post:

I agree, Luce, but someone should've told him his pants were on backwards.

Next time, don't forget your Kleenex!

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Fair's fair. You guys are cracking me up!

GodlessMom said...

Dopeler Effect!! I love that one!
Elacceleration...making the elevator arrive more quickly by pushing the button repeatedly.

Klondike Kate said...

Daja Mooo - brawhahahahaha! I just woke my roommate up with my giggles and I'm totally blaming you! =-)