You know all those syrupy-sweet e-mails you get that say how wonderful you are and such? They’re like form letters, only in e-mail form. Then they tell you to forward the e-mail to “all the other wonderful women you know” blah, blah, blah, or else your toes will drop off. Thosee-mails. I guess some are written just for men. I don’t know what they are threatened with. What could drop off there? Think hard. Well, it might not be hard. What I meant was, it might not be difficult, could be hard, could be
I was thinking that we could put our heads together and come up with a better one of those things. Then we could bother folks with it. Like that. Everyone did so well on my last post about daffy words. So it seems like we could write up a fine non-syrupy-sweet note that’s more on the realistic side.
Okay, then. Everybody in? I’ll start. You go after me.
1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid. I’ll show interest in your life by hounding you until you confess all the details.
4. When you are scared - I will praise you. After all it is better to be scared than killed. If you aren’t scared of everything you might leave the house. It’s dangerous out there.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be so that you will quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever it is that you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. When you feel ugly – I’ll…well, I can’t help you there.
I’ll do all this for you because you are blah, blah, blah, we’ll let people insert anything they want to in this part. You know, make it personal. Like that.
We’ll end our e-mail form letter with a reminder that a good friend will help you move. A reallygood friend will help you move a body.
Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
We’ll tell them to send the e-mail to ten of their closest friends. Let’em get depressed because they can think only of nine. Is this fun or what?