Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Nothing at all

Radio question of the day:

Which is Africa's most populous nation?
Which is its largest by size?
Which of its nations has the largest economy?

Huh? Like we care! We're Americans damnitall! We don't gotta care 'bout nowheres else. Hrmpf.

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It has been scientifically proven that if we drink one litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are drinkin' a lotta shit! Actual poop.

But, we do not run that risk when drinking wine because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

So, it's better to drink wine and stuff and talk shit, than to drink water and be full of shit. Just sayin'.

(No need to thank me for this valuable information. I am doing it as a public service.)

In other news: Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink. It also gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails," and "highballs." Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name Mount and Do.

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Nigeria is Africa's most populous nation. Sudan is largest by area. South Africa has the largest economy by far. As if you care. You guys. Shallow.

32 comments:

Lucy said...

Yea i like those Pepsi - next generation plans better than Africa stats.

Doug said...

Hay, I knew the answers! I care! Ask Alice!

I hear Pepsi already puts Placebo in Cherry Pepsi.

Libby said...

cool, lucy! i knew the question about the largest economy!!
...in other words...a guy is going to look really stupid if he gets drunk & passes out on anything mixed with pepsi....watch for interestinng pix on the web!!

neva said...

whoa! you're a veritable encyclopedia of information today, aren't ya?!! and damn FINE information, at that! i especially love the "shit" talk... (since i only drink bottled water, wonder if i should be concerned...)

TLP, did i mention how GLAD i am that you're back in blogging mode?? well, i am : D!

kenju said...

Too funny, Tan Lucy!! and I do care about Africa. I'd love to go there someday. (I don't care about Brad and Angelina, however, even if they are helping Namibia!)

mireille said...

ahhh, there you are. And you are even better than I remember. (are you serious about the Viagra mixer? even if you're not, that was good xoxo

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL, LOL! Very funny, dear Lucy...

And btw: I DO care about Africa...there are so very many country's there and su much meauty, too! So I for one thank you for the information on Africa and of course the all important Viagra Drink, too! Really hilarious, my dear.

actonbell said...

Haha! pour a stiff one *snicker*

Nigeria--huh. Didn't know that one.

The Lazy Iguana said...

Now you know why beer and wine were sooooo popular before there was such a thing as treated water. It was safer. People knew this.

But more importantly, wine is far MORE FUN to drink than water!!!

KristieD said...

too funny!!

AP3 said...

I'll drink (wine) to that!

lime said...

LMAO!!!!!!!! you kill me!

AP3 said...

RABBIT, RABBIT!

actonbell said...

Rabbit, rabbit!

Doug said...

Rabbit, Rabbit!

dddragon said...

rabbit rabbit RABBIT!

Peter said...

Did you notify the "Wine Industry" of your intention to post this information Lucy? there should be a case of wine at least in it for you.

Christine said...

I was reading a pole which said that 80% of high school seniors didn't even know which continent Sudan was on. Not only that, they couldn't find Iraq on a map. Bad enough? Nope, they couldn't find NEW YORK!
I really feel like kicking my son's ass for not getting into a better college. He had no problem with the questions but that is what private education will do for you. It isn't all about the kids "feelings" and "self esteem", it is about learning, discipline and respect. And where the hell was I going with this??? Errrr, Oh, yeah...highball LOL

Fred said...

I drink about eight glasses of water a day. Holy shit!

still life said...

Pour a stiff one...WOW!!! (Pretty Funny);)

Rabbit Rabbit to you.

Saur♥Kraut said...

...pour himself a stiff one

I really laughed over this one. :D

Rabbit, rabbit!

neva said...

Rabbit, Rabbit girlfriend!

Fred: "holy shit"?!? HAHAHA!


see what you've started, TLP? you're gettin' a lot of mileage from this post... and with good reason! hee hee! : D

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Hard to believe that I got ALL THREE of the questions? Well, I didn't live 75 and 240/365ths for nothing, for pete's sake!

Viagra will give you a stiff upper lip.

Kyahgirl said...

the end of an era, the soft drink.

you are too funny!

Bela said...

You're back! And no one told me! (I stopped coming because I was getting so depressed by the lack of new posts.) *jumping up and down with joy*

Rachel said...

Oh, Rabbit Rabbit.

Very funny post!! LOL at this one!

Fred said...

Good luck with the yard sale today!

Meegan said...

I'm so glad that I recently upped my daily water intake to "cleanse my system." I will switch back to wine!

Mindless Dribbler said...

So it's perfectly safe and I'd better off to get drunk and shit? Wait..minus the shit.

Glad to see your comments section back TLP!

Klondike Kate said...

A stiff one!! ROTFL!!! Great post!!!

Doug said...

I thought you should know, Sar's plagiarizing you over at her place.

KristieD said...

still nothin' eh?? ;) hope all is well.