Monday, May 22, 2006

If it's May, it must be Church Yard Sale time.




Radio question of the day:

The number one cause of fist fights in America is over a woman. What is the number two cause?
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Well once again it’s the dreaded Church-Yard-Sale time of year. My church has had a yard sale for the last 15 years, and I’ve been involved every year. For many of those years I was in charge of it. The last couple of years I’ve been “assisting,” which turns out to be even more work. Hard work. You know, “they” lied. Hard work has killed lots of people.

But I’m like the president of our great country. I’m stayin’ the course with the church yard sale stuff. You know, STAY THE COURSE: Say and do the same stupid thing over and over, regardless of the result.

At least working for two weeks at the church sorting and pricing old junk does keep me from eating all the time. Seems like food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can’t even get into my own pants.

My church is Unitarian-Universalist, as most of you know. This past Sunday I was thinkin’ that the reason we Unitarians don’t sing so hot is that we’re always reading ahead to see if we agree with the next verse. If folks don’t agree with it, they just sing whatever. Those U-U's.

The yard sale is one of the dumbest things I do. Well, of course, it’s not as dumb as pick up the feces of a lesser mammal for a living. And half of you do that for free. You guys. Havin’ pets always sounds like it’s lots of fun, but it really follows the Gold Standard 80/20 rule of life. You know, the rule that says that 80 percent of everything in life is bad, and 20 percent is good. In the case of pets, the 20 percent is the free dog or cat hair so you can knit yourself a sweater or somethin’, and the 80 percent is poop.

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Answer to the radio question of the day: Parking spaces.

That’s more like it. Parking spaces are harder to find that women.

24 comments:

KristieD said...

Good to see you having something to say again!! ;)

I agree, animals can many times be so much a pain in the arse, but then when they come and love on you when you are feeling blue, it makes it worth it.

Good luck with the old church sale...have fun!!

KristieD said...

ooh-- i was 1st!! woo-ee

Old Horsetail Snake said...

Unitarians are really the cat's meow. You can believe just about anything and be a Unitarian. I know a lot of agnostics who are Unitarians.

Now then, save the elk antlers for me at the church yard sale. Keep 'em at your house till I can get there.

actonbell said...

Glad you're blogging again!
Good luck in finding that special turkey, too:) The 80% make the 20% all the more special.

Miss Cellania said...

Parking spaces? People have no life. I guess thats easy for me to say, out here in the boonies. But it makes you wonder why people fight over a parking space real close to the gym where they go to exercise. They take their 2 mile morning jog, then circle Wal*Mart six times waiting for a handicapped space to open up.

dddragon said...

I've already made one trip out w/ my junk ... uh, donations. I'll be dropping off something else this morning, I think.

Peter said...

Hi Lucy, welcome back, I was pleased to see you and Hoss have brother/sistered up, you made a good choice 'n so did he.

bornfool said...

Glad to see you back, TLP. I've missed you. I've adopted Hoss as my uncle. Does that make you my aunt?

Doug said...

"Seems like food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can’t even get into my own pants." is a line for the ages.

Parking spaces maybe be harder to find than women but the lines are already laid down when you get there.

Hurray that you posted!

Sar said...

"Seems like food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can’t even get into my own pants." - Bwaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Dammit Doug, you stole my comment! Well minus the parking spaces snark. I'll inject my own instead. Seems to me 15 years is one helluva long yard sale, TLP.

mireille said...

woohoo! Doug's comment is right: you're classic! xoxo

Sylvie said...

Glad you're back blogging. I missed you.

Lammy said...

Those guys! They fight over the woman they want to park with, then fight over the parking space!

Libby said...

HAHA!! was gonna guess 'money'!

The Lazy Iguana said...

I do not fight over women. It is just not worth it. Also, fighting over a woman because she decides to hook up with some other dude implies that the woman is your property!

Human beings are not property. At least not since slavery was done away with.

Glad to see you have stuff to talk about again!!!

Kyahgirl said...

Yay-glad to see you spouting off again miss snarky pants.

You gave me such a giggle with the line about not being able to get into your own pants. :-)

Fred said...

That's why I use the computer to shop. No fights over the keyboard.

still life said...

oh see, now I thought that it was to be first in the TLP comment line!

(A little birdie told me that you had posted...)

Lucy said...

Your back! Probably tired of reading that so forget i wrote it ok?

80/20.. that was great. Reminds me of something a friend once.. told me about how people at work perceive those who have problems.

80% of them don't care you have a problem and the 20% that do are glad you have it. How's that for uncaring/evil thinking?

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Hi everyone! Thanks for checking me out! My PC modem at home is fried. We had a power surge this A.M. and poof, it was gone.

So, here I am at 8:10 P.M still at church sorting old junk. But the up side is, I can use a PC here.

Kyahgirl said...

when you're done at the church, you wanna pop over to my place? I got some junk needs sortin'

AP3 said...

We're baaaack! Glad to see you blogging again!

red-queen said...

So good to see you're back!

The thing about church yard sales is, every time I volunteer to help, I spend days lamenting that it's all crappity crap, but nevertheless end up taking some of it home. And paying to do so.

neva said...

here i was thinking you were out & about and off my radar... and you've been back to blogging for the past week! i am such a maroon!!!

no matter... i'm gonna catch up now! and tell you how HAPPY i am that you're "back in blogging business"! I MISSED YOU!: D