Unusual bumper stickers

Is it just me, or is there now a bumper sticker for every possible thought and cause? Here are some odd ones:

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
I need someone real bad...Are you real bad?
BEAUTY is in the eye of the beer holder.
All men are idiots... and I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Hang up and drive.
God must love stupid people...He made SO many.
Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will...I want to be in it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Who lit the fuse on your tampon? (Now, that's just ugly.)
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
If you can read this I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like that.
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
 

Fun with Dick and Jane

See Dick and Jane go shopping. See Jane (Tan Lucy) buy a Yankee candle, three bras, four pairs of panties, eight (count'em---8) shirts, and a bright spring purse...she loves it. See Dick buy boxer shorts. See Jane yawn. Boxer shorts...B-O-R-I-N-G. See that some of us are more exciting than others. 

'Cuz it rains too much and 'cuz I'm too fat...

Everyone needs Words To Live By...so I decided to write down some good ones.
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, for....oh, just pretty much leave me the heck alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Money is like air. It's not important unless you don't have any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. Always remember that you're unique...just like everyone else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

14. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

15. Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.

16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

18. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

19. There are two theories to arguing with men. Neither one works.

20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

21. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

23. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt. Then things get worse.

24. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

25. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

26. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

27. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 19.

28. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
 

Shout Out for Pez Dispensers

Let's hear it for Pez! As Aral Peppermint Patty noted on her Blog, this morning on CNN they announced that the first item ever sold on eBay was a Pez dispenser. In fact eBay was started by a guy whose girl friend wanted to sell part of her Pez dispenser collection.

You actually need to specialize in the type of Pez dispenser I guess, 'cause there are so many types. The are fun and a hoot.

Aral was supposed to let me know which ones she has 'cause I buy them once in a while for her. Shout Out for the little Pez's of the world! 

Watch out for the squirrels...

Have you noticed how fat the squirrels are this year? They're usually not fat so early. I guess we had a pretty mild winter after all. Most of the snow was late, and therefore didn't stay all that long on the ground.

When I was searching for a picture of a squirrel, I came across a picture of squirrel droppings! What's up with that? Someone thinks that a picture of squirrel poo should be available on the Internet? There are some squirrely people out there.

Niks and I watched The Birds (movie) yesterday! How funny. Squirrels would have been scarier. 

Easter Basket fun...burp!

I made Easter baskets for the daughters who live locally and delivered them to them and their families. (For non-local daughter I sent $ for her to buy for the family.) For Lucinda and her husband I included wine, fresh fruit, nuts, candy, and bookmarks. For dddragon, et al, I gave fruit, candy, nuts, bookmarks. The candy was peeps, chocolate eggs (with either peanut butter or coconut creme fillings), etc. I actually can't remember it all.

Lucinda was going to get jelly beans as well. But the bag came open on the way out to her house. Okay, ...so I ripped it open with my teeth. Then I had to eat every one of those little buggers, 'cause I couldn't stick a partly eaten bag of candy in a pretty basket, now could I? No, of course not. So I had to cover up my sin and eat all those suckers. Since the daughters' father and I had just been out to eat, and I had an entire live Maine lobster, I'm pretty stuffed. Actually, the lobster I ate was not live when I ate it. But it was alive when we walked in and saw it in the lobster tank. I feel so guilty. About the jelly beans I mean. The lobster looked pretty vicious.

But at least no one knows that I ate all that candy. Nope. No one will ever know about the jelly bean caper. It's my secret for life. I might tell about the coconut creme chocolate egg and one measly little peep that I ate, but no, on second thought, why? People don't need to know everything. 

Rude awakening for the Easter Bunny

It's almost Easter! Well, no big deal, but I'm going to make a couple of baskets for fun.

No plans for a big dinner or anything. That really suits me just fine. I hope that the day is good weather-wise, but I doubt that. It's nice when kids, old and young, can do Easter-egg hunts.

I remember when I was a girl and my mother made me new Easter dresses, no matter how scarce money was. She never had a new Easter dress herself. She was a sweet mom, and a great seamtress. 

It's a rainy night in Georgia. Okay, okay, it's a rainy day in PA

It's raining. *sigh* I don't want it to rain today. We don't need the rain and I want to grocery shop, etc. It's actually raining hard right now at 7:30 AM. The stores will be busy later and all through the weekend because of Easter. Oh, well. Into each life some rain must fall. (But not if I were in charge.) 

Springtime Fun

Niks and I are trying to plan our trip to Maine and Vermont. There are three states (in the lower 48) that we have not seen: Maine, Vermont, and North Dakota. (I think I may very well die saying, "There's one state I haven't been to, North Dakota." That's because I really don't care if I ever see ND."

So, I've been to AAA and picked up maps and books, etc. Now I'm searching on-line for information. It's hard to pick places to stay. I want NOT to move each night. I want one place in Maine, and one place in Vermont, and then do day trips from these sites. I'm really looking forward to this trip. It should be much easier on me than the last trip of 8,000 miles. I don't mind driving, but carrying bags in and out of hotels every couple of days got old.  

Weekend Update

Saturday morning went to church and made flower arrangements to sell on Sunday morning.
Then we played Scrabble with daughter Lucinda Sans and her husband on Saturday night. Had pizza, etc. The son-in-law always wins. He can't help himself. But I'm not bitter....
Sunday morning I went to church and sold flowers as a fund raiser. We sold every arrangment. Good job.
Then out to lunch with the other old folks. So much excitement. 

Concert for old people

Tonight we are going to an accordion concert! Can you believe it? This woman is supposed to be about to do "lots of things" with an accordion. Umm...what can that mean? I don't want to think about it.
How did I get into this?! How did I get so old that on a Friday evening, I'm going to hear an accordion player?
This person is an International Accordion Grand Prix Champion. Who knew that there was such a thing as a Grand Prix Accordion Champ? Not me. The flyer says (Well, it doesn't SAY anything, you have to read it.) "come be astounded by" this player. I'm already astounded. I'm astounded that all accordions weren't destroyed by the early fifties or sixties at the latest. Poor, poor, pitiful me. 

Scots-Irish

So what did this Scots-Irish "girl" do on St. Patrick's Day? Not much! Walked the mall and went grocery shopping. I DID wear green. 

Wings

Now I have earned wings as well as a halo. Yesterday I took a s**t load of food to the Food Pantry (collected by church members), then took multiple large (as in huge) bags of rice and noodles, and big containers of cooking oil to Bethesda Mission (for homeless men), then I took items which I had bought myself to the low-income senior center downtown. THEN last night I worked with the craft group at church to decorate baskets. Saturday morning the craft group will meet again to place plants in the baskets. We'll sell the plants/baskets on Sunday morning to raise money for the church.
I am so precious. 

My halo. 

I'm so good, I'm awarding myself a halo.

1. I don't do windows because ...
I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
(I am compassionate.)

2. I don't wax floors because ...
I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves,I'd feel terrible and they may sue me.
(I am careful and cheap.)

3. I don't mind the dust bunnies because...
they are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
(I am imaginative.)

4. I don't disturb cobwebs because I want every creature
to have a home of their own.
(I am kind.)

5. I don't Spring Clean because ...
I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.
(I am fair minded.)

6. I don't plant a garden because ...
I don't want to get in nature's way, she is an excellent designer.
(I am courteous.)

7. I don't put things away because ...
my husband will never be able to find them again.
(I am considerate.)

8. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ...
I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.
(I am thoughtful.)

9. I don't iron because ...
I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".
(I am trusting.)

10. I don't stress much on anything because ...
"A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!!
(I am winning this battle.)

The whole family, minus Aral, Me wonder woman, and Aved, went to see Haras in the school play, Li'l Abner. Haras was very good in her roles. The entire cast was very, very good. We all enjoyed it a big whole bunch. I has SPOKEN!
 

Ah, the snowdrops in our backyard are in bloom! The ones that dddragon and Bruce planted about about 31 years ago. They are an encouraging sign for me. Spring will come! The days are noticeably longer already.  

I stole this from Lucinda Sans

The University of Blogging Presents to tanlucypez An Honorary Bachelor of Self Portraiture Majoring in Attention Seeking Signed Dr. GoQuiz.com ®

Username:

Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

So, I've decided to quit complaining about housework. Niks is high-maintance, but is potty trained after all. Today I vacuumed the house, plus did some dusting. But no elephant poop scooping. 

I spent yesterday doing the wash. Now, of course I have a washer and a dryer, but it still takes a while. I don't actually mind doing the wash. It's the folding and putting away stuff that gets to me. Same thing with the dish washer. Easy to keep the dirties loaded. Easy to put in the soap and push a button to start it. Hate to put away the clean dishes. I'm just a naturally lazy person. *sigh* 

It's just too cold! Wake me when it's spring. REAL spring...as in warm. 

Going out with my peeps tonight for Mexican food. Yum yum. The craft group at church gets together once a month to eat out. We rarely do any crafts of course, but we eat a lot. This group is largely overweight. (heh, heh, heh, LARGELY) I have no idea why. But we actually do make a "craft" this month. We will make flower arrangements to sell at church to raise funds for the church. 

In spite of still coughing and being sick, I went to church (like a good girl should) and taught Church School. Then I went to the grocery store. Well, what do you know? They have chocolate easter eggs out. We all know that I LOVE chocolate. REALLY love chocolate. REALLY, REALLY love all things chocolate. So I bought three of them. They were calling my name! They were on sale 3 for 99 cents. Well, the best way for one to cover up the fact that one took advantage of this sale is to quickly eat ALL THREE eggs. That's obvious. I'm no dummy. So, naturally I ate all three of the eggs right away.
Now I need a nap. I wonder why I'm fat? Does anyone know?
BTW, I said that they were calling my name. I never said that they could spell. 

Well, I wonder how the supremes will decide on the Ten Commandments. Their questions sounded as if they will vote that government agencies can continue to display them. That's just wrong. I can see allowing the truly historical monuments to stand, just based on age, but there should be a disclaimer about them attached. 

I do love a coffee shop, especially if it's in a bookstore! 

Is there anything so wonderful as a bookstore? Ah, yes! A bookstore with a coffee bar! Yes, yes, that's the ticket. Lucinda can't order a Crossword Dictionary for me, since they don't carry them, so I'm in the enviable position of having to go to an actual bookstore. Ummmm...good. Niks and I will go right after lunch. We'll have books, coffee and dessert. What fun. Lucky me. We do lead the good life. 

Well, nothing is blooming, but think spring anyway! The first thing that will bloom in our yard is Snowdrops. Dddragon and her 8th grade boyfriend planted them all those years ago, and they come up each year. Now they surround my dearly beloved and departed, grandcat Sphinxie.