Thursday, June 14, 2007

Go fly a kite



Today after our morning walk, my walking-buddy Irene declared this morning to be a perfect kite-flying day. So we hot-footed it over to our cars and retrieved the kites we keep in our car trunks.

My kite is something like the one pictured above, but mine's better. Of course.

Heaven on a string! It was a perfect day for flying kites.

Why do people say, "Go fly a kite," when they mean "go away!" and stop bothering me? Do they want you to be struck by lightening?

Cliches like that oughta be avoided like the plague.
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Didcha read about the new over-the-counter diet drug Alli? Poo on that!

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How about the new invisible underwear? Hear 'bout it? It's called a "C" or sumtin' like that:

If a lady has to wear Depends, I'm thinkin' she should avoid the "C".
Doesn't look very comfortable anyway.

Course other things to avoid are easy to spot:
Like wearing a nose ring and bifocals.
Or combining spiked hair and bald spots.
Miniskirts and support hose don't look so good either.
Ankle bracelets and corn pads don't work for me.
Speedos and cellulite are not so hot.

A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar is a big no-no.
I think inline skates and a walker would be silly-looking too. Those old people. No fashion sense at all. Just like the young people. Only lots of young people missed out on having any sense.
Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge don't look good or make good sense, but you see young ladies every day with "muffin tops." Muffin top is the roll of fat that oozes over the top of your jeans. Oprah calls it "dunlap." That's when your fat done lap over the top of the pants.



Don't you just know that poor dog is embarrassed?


Looks bad on plumbers and on women.

Everyone should dress sharp. Like me:


If you need any advice on clothes and what to wear, just write to me.

36 comments:

Doug said...

TLP, my belt buckle feels cold on my ribcage. What should I do?

OldHorsetailSnake said...

"Dunlap"!! That's a good one.

And I don't know much about that lady in the last picture, but I think you gotta admit she dresses comfortably. With built-in icebag for the headaches.

goldennib said...

Your fashion sense is impeccable. You look hot with your see-gar.

actonbell said...

That looks like George Burns in drag! No offense.

audible said...

I'm sure young ladies would stop showing off thier underpants the second men stop appriciating the view- unfortunately I've had trouble getting any male volunteers to prove my theory.

TLP said...

Doug: Get dressed. Damnitall.

Gene: Yep. I think she's happy with her outfit.

Goldennib: thanks! Not everyone appreciates style.

Acton: none taken. Oh. You're out of the will.

Audible: I think you're on to something!

Peter said...

I didn't believe that last pic was of you Lucy.... but then I had another look at my guestbook... I'm just sayin'.

kenju said...

I have a donelap and a muffin top and a belly! What do you think of a toe ring? I have 2 of them, but I can'tdecide what not to wear them with.....LOL

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL, LOL....Wonderful TLP...
I must say I do not understand todays fashions at all...! They look total mismatched grungy crap...The torn Jeans...What is that statement, please....???

If there really is a C thingy...it should be destroyed! Not only uncomfortable looking...like the Dark Ages...but totally ugly, too!

It was lovely to see that you had paid me a visit, my dear...! And it is always fun to visit you---and today is no exception!

Libby said...

tlp-y'know...maybe you should get a job as a consultant for paris hilton...just sayin you could also be her driver in a pinch...

Tom & Icy said...

The fashion police will get you.

The Lazy Iguana said...

You keep a kite in the trunk of your car? What a great idea! I may steal that idea.

That invisible underwear looks like a terrible idea. Might as well ride commando. Will that even stay on? And what does it grab onto? Yikes!

Green hose and shoes with a blue skirt? That is terrible. My eyes hurt.

As for the last photo - at least you have the sense to not try to rock the midriff shirt and low cut jeans! You gain points for that.

lime said...

that underwear looks more like some sort of torture device or kinky toy or sumthin....

just so long as i can wear my tie dye and my birkenstocks i am happy

Princess said...

Yikes!!! Oucccchhhhhh!!!!!!
Except for the last one, of course!!!!

TLP said...

Peter: Ain't I cute?

Judy: don't wear your toe rings on the toes that have corns, or if your bunions are are big as your big toe.

OldHillLady: The "C" is an accident waiting to happen.

Libby: I'm thinkin' I'm just too swell for Paris, ya know?

Tom and Icy: The thought police too.

Lazy one: Doesn't everyone keep a kite in their car trunk? Huh!

Lime: with looks like yours you can wear anything and look good.

Princess: nice save.

mireille said...

but, but ... her poncho matched her tights PERFECTLY. Perfectly lime green. That invisible underwear is so symbolic ... what the chastity belt was to medieval morals, the "C" is to ours. Um, tightly wedged between ... oh, never mind. Good work, fashionmaven. xoxo

Jamie Dawn said...

Howdy there, TLP!!
I see you over at Dougie's place daily, and I read your witty definitions. You are quite the card!!! It's been awhile since I stopped by here, but I always enjoy your posts when I visit.
You are a snazzy dresser, I'm sure!
Those new undies are hideous. One should just go without panties rather than wear that saddle.
If I wore low rise jeans, I would most certainly have a muffin top. I solemnly swear that I will refrain from wearing low rise jeans and belly baring tops.
Kite flying is FUN!!
So is bubble blowing.

TLP said...

mireille: can you imagine handling that thing to go potty? Ewww....

Jamie D! Nice of you to drop by. Yes, I have bubble blowing stuff too. ALL kinds of shapes and equipment to blow bubbles with. You never know when you will need to amuse a kid. So I have it all.

Monika said...

I remember that photo from the days of yore! :)

Nice fashion sense, to be sure...but..er...we all should make our own fashion mistakes along the way, hopefully in time...we´ll reahc your ...er...color concepts :)

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

It juswt occurred to me while re-reading about the kites...I wonder if it might not have meant...Go chill out and have a GREAT time Flying A Kite....but that over time it became more and more like "Get Out Of My Sight"!
I say this because Kite Flying is soooo relaxing and fun and lifts ones mood! What do you think? Am I just full of it? (LOL)

TLP said...

Minka: You sayin' I'm OLD????

Old lady: You could be right! You see the bright side of things. Good on ya.

Bela said...

I so wish I hadn't seen any of those pictures. They will haunt me now.

AP3 said...

Those pictures really were disturbing... That "C" is somethin' else!

Christine said...

Actually I like the chartreuse tights, shoes and cape with the ultra marine violet tailored skirt. Which explains why I sit home alone so often on Saturday nights.

Rachel said...

Kite flying!! Oh what fun!!

I love the dunlap thing!! Ain't it the truth!!! Those young girls may be 80 lbs. overweight but they still want to wear those short tops and low jeans and let things lap over. Just awful looking!! And it's not always the young ones!! Geesh!!! What are people thinking? Or not thinking is more like it!

That C underwear has nothing to hold it up. I can just see it falling out of someones pant leg! Ha!! Looks more like a fancy Kotex anyway.

That is one long cigar she has in that last picture.

TLP said...

Bela and AP3, I live to disturb unsuspecting nice gals like you two.

Christine, you WISH you sat home on Saturday nights. I know that you attract the boys in the band for sure.

Rachel, as far as I can tell, the C operates as a clamp action thingie. In other words, it's a vice device, in every sense of the word.

Fred said...

I knew there was a reason I couldn't stay away.

When I saw the last picture, I had the same thought as Acton. George Burns for sure.

Oh God!

TLP said...

Fred!!!! Nice to see you. I've tried (in the past) to visit your blog, and found that it is now Fred's FORMER World. Too bad. Everyone enjoyed your site.

Keith said...

Is that last picture really YOU? If so, I love you, will you marry me?

Such class, such style! And I just love the cigar touch, it's just so... so.. feminine!



Yeuk!

TLP said...

LOL Keith! Sadly, no, it's not really me. I should look so good.

PI said...

Have just discovered Marks and Spencer's flesh- coloured- non-visible-pantie-line knickers and bliss - they are comfy.
I want a kite and a walking buddy for Christmas - but early. Please!

TLP said...

Those would be magic knickers PI!

Christmas in June? Sorry babe. No can do.

LZ Blogger said...

That last shot looks like the late great George Burns in drag! ~ jb///

Minka said...

I would never say you are old...yearly advanced? Wise in yearly aquisitions????

*tiptoes out of there*

neva said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

i loveloveLOVED this post, can you tell? and i'm sorry, but that "C" thingy is just scary. what happens if you put it on too fast, and get, um, poked? just sayin... unless it vibrates, chances are it's gonna hurt.

dunlap? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! xox

TLP said...

Lz, yes there is something there!

Minka, you'd better RUN!

Neva, the "C" is evil, and must have been invented by a man. I hope.