Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Nothing to say

Radio Question of the Day:
Studies show, doing this after a workout can reduce muscle pain. What is it?
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I have absolutely nothing to say, but I shouldn't leave the Inappropriate Card Day post up when it's no longer Inappropriate Card Day. Or should I? What is the appropriate thing to do????
Is it appropriate to send Inappropriate Cards on the incorrect day?

Anywho, an old-fart friend sent me this, so I'm dumpin' it on ya here:

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" -She is an "AMPLE BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "AN EASY PIECE OF TAIL" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE." (Ain't that the best kind?)

3. She is not a "DUMB BLOND" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION." That Paris Hilton.

5. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE." (And why didn't you just listen in the first damn place?)

6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS." (Some investigate them to hell and back.)

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION." (Or it's Britney in jeans.)

5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION." (Or he's a total ass. It happens.)

6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE." Those plumbers. (Guess it could be Britney again, climbin' out of a cab. But, no, then you'd see the Cesarean scar.)

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Answer to the Radio Question of the Day:

Drinking coffee (Source: Journal of Pain)
Now, see, I just go ahead and drink the coffee. Why take chances by exercising in the first place?

Isn't this a cute little "plumber in training?"

13 comments:

PI said...

#5 for the women has my head nodding vigourously. If only they'd ever listen!
The little plumber is a sweetie!

PI said...

That's vigorously!

Rachel said...

Funny list!!! Love that picture of the little guy with his "rear cleavage!"

actonbell said...

LOL, those are great. I love the "low cost provider." heh

Coffee. Another reason to exercise before breakfast, I suppose.

Libby said...

would that be butt-cleavage?

Anonymous said...

Talking of inappropriate cards, I once went into a Greetings Card shop and asked the young girl assistant where the "Drop Dead" cards were. Unbelievably, she went looking for them! Then she returned with "Sorry sir, we seem to be out of stock, but I can order some for Tuesday if you want?" It was all I could do to maintain a straight face as I said "Well, have you any 'Be ill for a while' cards then?" before running out of the shop.

Keith

kenju said...

Ah, he's got a good head start on it, I see!

I had the coffee thing down for years!

Logophile said...

Probably this is not politically correct either but my husband and I have taken to referring to our extreme paleness as a side effect of our being Chalkasian.
We find it amusing, apply liberally as necessary.
Gimme some java

lime said...

oh now that was hilarious (your comments MADE it)

and somehow the tot's plumber crack is endearing and cue....give him 40 yrs and it ain't so cute anymore....

goldennib said...

I got the answer right. Yipee.

I like those PC lists.

That picture is great. Very cute.

neva said...

Happy Two Days After Inappropriate Card Day, Day!!

nice to have it confirmed that coffee is, in fact, good for us, right? as for the PC "How To's"? lovelovelove 'em... (your snide-bar comments make them hilarious!) xox

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Gack, I didn't know 4-year-olds were doing the ass-crack show. Oh meohmy.

I didn't get the radio question -- again. I was sure Viagra was part of the answer, but it wasn't.

Peter said...

Hi Lucy, that was a totally appropriate post even on an inappropriate day.