Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Say what????



This ad was in a magazine that I was reading. If you can't read the part above the spice tin, this is what it says: Okay, it doesn't say anything, you have to read it. Smart asses. It reads as follows: Except for black pepper, McCormick spices in rectangular tins are at least 15 years old. Holy cow. I checked my spices. I had 7 rectangular tins of McCormick spices. Well, sh*t fire and save the matches.

I’m so dumb. This brings up another buncha stuff I don’t know about.

Such as, can you cry underwater?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no human being would eat? Why does the setting go that high?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? I vote yes.

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Did you just try singing the two songs above? You guys.

Do you ever wonder why you read anything I post in the first place?

24 comments:

Fred said...

I just checked the pantry. We had two of those spice thingeys. They're in the garbage now. (I had to put on my glasses to see if we had any.)

AP3 said...

Those are good. I have many questions about Wile E. Coyote, actually.

Rhea said...

I love these jokes!

QuillDancer said...

I lurk here a lot and I always leave laughing. I have to post a comment this time, tho -- the disease ham had before it was cured? Trichinosis.

neva said...

i gave my husband a card for his birthday that has a b&w picture of 3 little kids sitting in front of a tv on the front, and inside the line "Will that f***ing coyote ever die?" (i swear this is true. and yes, it's stupid. and YES, dammit, you can now add to your list of very funny questions: "why the hell does Neva come around and mess up this blog with lame comments?")

i cook so rarely these days, i honestly think *all* my spices are in little cans. is that wrong?

this was a HILARIOUS post, TLP... absolutely perfect and funny and wonderful, JUST LIKE YOU!! (you little rebel) xox

kenju said...

Yes, hilarious!!

Lucy said...

Yea - my spice cabinet & fridge says alot about my cooking and housecleaning abilities..

You are the best teacher TLP.

lime said...

ya know, i saw that ad too and checked my own spices. a couple showed up being that old. howevr, i hacve only been back inthe USA for 13 years so are they telling me the spices sat onn the store shelf for at least 2 yrs before i bought them???

Christine said...

Oh crap, like I didn't have enough to do after work..now I have to get up on the friggin chair and look at all those little tin boxes in the cabiniet over the stove! Thanks TLP.

mireille said...

wow, I just used the last grains of nutmeg out of one of those rectangular tins. No wonder it tasted lousy. And yes, yes I did sing the two songs. xoxo

Doug said...

Because I like to laugh. I hope Minka doesn't start sneezing from the cinnamon.

Minka said...

*hatchiiiiiii*

I did start to sing...I should have known that you would make fun of our simple reactions.

The Lazy Iguana said...

Aged spice.....ummmmmmmmm.

I have also wondered why toasters have the "charcoal" setting as well. I am glad I am not the only crazy person on the planet.

Rachel said...

Hold onto those old spice boxes long enough and they'll be antiques!!

S**t fire and save the matches!! LOL. Been a long time since I'd heard that one!! I guess that's why I read your posts!! LMBO!!

Peter said...

About 5 years ago I bought a cute little spice rack, I found I did not have enough spices to fill it so I bought some more.
About two years later my granddaughter was visiting and remarked "some of the spice jars are still sealed in their cellophane wrappers, not used much Huh?"
About two weeks ago my daughter was visiting, I mentioned the above story and when we checked they were still sealed, does this count as part of their shelf life? they haven't been opened, I'm just sayin'.

Peter said...

BTW the reason we come back is because we LOVE to read what you post!!!

ariel said...

I really don't think these are jokes. these are very good questions.

red-queen said...

TLP, I have a bottle of red pepper flakes that I got from my grandmother in 1982. That was the year I moved into one apartment and she moved out of another, and she didn't need some of her kitchen stuff because she was going back to her own house where she probably had a whole supply of 20-year-old bottles of spices (it's a long story). I cook - used to be a lot, now my husband says I just go to Trader Joe's and then heat stuff up. But nevertheless, in 24 years of having my own household and cooking for a family of four, I have not managed to use up the bottle of pepper flakes.

Can pepper flakes EVER go bad?

Even if you tell me yes, I won't be able to throw out that bottle, because now that she's gone the pepper flakes have assumed an almost memorial status in my cupboard.

I bet they found millenia-old pepper flakes in some pharaoh's tomb - and I bet they'd still be good on pizza.

Jen said...

15 years old? That's nasty!

I helped a friend clean out her parents' vacation cabin last year. We found baking powder with an expiration date of 1976. 1976!

We saved it, and put it on a shelf for everyone who visits there to enjoy, with a little sign declaring that it's the "Bicentennial Baking Powder."

That's the most expired food I've seen.

neva said...

so... is "aged spice" what they use to make "Old Spice"? because that would explain a lot. xox

Libby said...

tlp, you HAVE to know...we come here for priceless information that we just can't find ANYWHERE else!! BTW...a kitchen only needs 2 things...a freezer/refrigerator & a microwave! voila! who needs spices except salt & pepper?

Jamie Dawn said...

I vote yes too on that carpool one. It never says the person has to be alive.

I don't have any old spices in my cupboard. That is only because of all the moving we've done.
15 years is a LONG time!! Good grief, TLP! I thought you were a meticulous house keeper. I guess that means you don't have time to do a lot of baking, hence the 15 year old spices.

Jemima said...

I hope you do know why people drop in here to wallow in wonder. you've still got it Ms Pez!

tsduff said...

um - I best go home and check my spices right away. I have a sinking feeling about this... :-D