Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Free classes for men

Radio Question of the Day:

Name the "rock group" that has four members, all of whom are dead, one of whom was assassinated...

As usual I have absolutely nothin’ to say. So, I’ll say it anyway. I’ve been reading instead of doing lots of stuff I should be doing. Friend of mine said I should get my husband Niks to do the housework. That Irene. As if. (I know that there are lots of men who do some work around the house, but I didn’t marry one of those. Let’s make that SOME men who do housework. Not LOTS.)

So, Irene offered up some classes Niks could take in order for the old dog to learn some new tricks:

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step,
with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours.

The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of
Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? ---
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

After Dinner Dishes: Can They Levitate and Fly Into
The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours
beginning at 7:00 PM

Loss Of Identity - Losing The Remote To Your
Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Learning How To Find Things - Starting With Looking
In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful
To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life
Tuesday at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She
Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday noon, 2 hours.

Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother
and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing ..
Tuesday at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering
Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and
Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM

The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesday at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Answer to the Radio Question of the day:

Mount Rushmore

How droll: a rock structure...four dead guys...I get it.
Those radio guys.


Doug said...

You know, I've had moments of idle curiousity about a lot of those topics. I wonder if they're given locally. Especially the one about Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost, location to be determined.

Mount Rushmore *snicker*

Doug said...
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Doug said...
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Lucy said...

Now those are clever.... however i'm the one who needs to enroll. My DH is the neat one.

That question of the day has to be my favorite so far. Hope your having a great summer.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Oh that's funny.

actonbell said...

Group practice?????????ack

This is brilliant, Mom. And the Mt. Rushmore joke is great, too.

neva said...

the joke, the post, it's all good! and all funny. mostly, it just makes me happy to see you writing, because you are one clever lady!

and i LOVE these classes, altho', i'm happy to report my husband has managed to successfully pass most of 'em! i think i've shared my technique for "getting the clothes into the laundry basket" with you. (actually, it works so well, they've asked me to be a guest speaker at that Saturday Seminar the 2nd Sat., if i'm not mistaken)

GREAT post, TLP!! oh, and, just between you and me, i want you to know i voted for you, like, twenty times last week in Sar's caption contest, because i thought your line was hilarious. but there was no stopping that voting machine attached to Quilldancer... (not that her's wasn't funny, too!) xoxo

The Lazy Iguana said...

I think the radio guys are OUT of questions.

As for those classes, I could probably take a few. I am bad at just putting the empty ice trays back in the freezer - figuring that using magic they refill on their own. Also, I was not aware there was a difference in the hamper and the bathroom floor!!!

By the way, unless you read this comment before 4 PM on Thursday, I am out to sea!

lime said...


how about 'displays of affection: the great cootie myth debunked'

rock one.

mireille said...

I'm with Actonbell on that group practice one being scary. Get out the Clorox disinfecting wipes. xoxo

AP3 said...

Those are great!

I could take this one:

The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.

Kyahgirl said...

OH TLP, you have me rolling on the floor with this one. Do you think that if I wore a disguise I could slip into the class on the ice cube trays?

oh, and Mt Rushmore-cute.

I.M. Dedd said...

I get it! ROCK! I get it!

Rachel said...

Haa!! I'm sure the men will line up for some of these classes!!

The radio question was a trick question today, but cute anyway!!

Kyahgirl said...

Hi again TLP-I thought you might enjoy this post on the toilet paper topic that one of my perfume pals put on her blog. Its pretty funny.


OldHorsetailSnake said...

You may not believe this, Sis, but I actually got the radio question of the day. (Only I thought it was probably wrong!)

G said...

or on the dishes, once in the sink will each hour untouched bring them closer to a cleaner resolution?

Somehow, I don't feel so lonely anymore. Fun post.

Fred said...

I won't admit to needing any of this. Doing so would be a sign of weakness.

Is there a class for that?

Sar said...

Ohhhh now that's a classic TLP post! *sniff* I'm feeling nostaligic.

I enjoyed this, TLP, even the "punny" radio joke.

Peter said...

Self help, when thrust upon you is a great teacher Lucy, great to see you back again, I was missing for a week and have nearly caught up so it was a pleasant surprise to find some TLP wisdom again.