Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Bad Jokes

Radio Question of the day:

According to a popular men's magazine, 52% of guys spend less than one minute doing what?

There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who divide the world into 2 kinds of people, and those who don't. I’m one of those two kinds. How ‘bout you?

What’s 40 feet long and smells like urine?

Give up?

Line dancing at the nursing home.

Bad enough? How about what’s the difference between broccoli and boogers?

Don’t know?

Kids won’t eat broccoli.

Why do blonde nurses carry red pens? Easy. So they can draw blood. Those blondes.

What do Mack the Knife, Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common?

So obvious: Their middle name.

Bad jokes, lord I love’m. Bad jokes, cain’t get enough of’em.

That’s why I listen to Prairie Home Companion on PBS. They did a special joke show this past weekend.

They told bad jokes like the ones above, and the ones below:

News Flash! Energizer Bunny charged with battery!

I hate to say this but your girl friend looks like a monkey. True, but she's the gorrilla my dreams.

You know why they named "Beano" "BEANO?"

Because "WINDEX" was already taken.

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office and says, "Doctor, I work down the street at the pickle processing plant and lately I've developed this almost uncontrollable urge to stick my penis in the pickle slicer."

The doctor says, "This is quite serious, we must get you into counseling immediately!"

Every day for two weeks, the two meet until the psychiatrist finally feels that his patient has mastered his compulsion to stick his penis in the pickle slicer.

A few days pass and the doctor receives a phone call from the pickle plant worker. The man is extremely upset and there are sounds of commotion in the background. "Doc, I'm so sorry. I really thought you’d cured me, but today here at work, that old feeling came back and I just couldn't control myself and, yes, I stuck my penis in the pickle slicer. This so terrible -- they fired me and I let you down."

"Don't worry about that," replies the doctor, "what happened with, er…, you know, the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, they fired her, too."
Answer to the radio question of the day:
Deciding what to wear.

Huh! About 75 percent of you guys look that way.


mireille said...

ba-da-bum. You are the Gracie Allen of blogdom, TLP! xoxo

The Lazy Iguana said...

I listen to that show on NPR sometimes. At work, on the weekends.

KristieD said...

i love bad jokes too. My electronic media teacher was just telling us about that show (prairie home companion) we are supposed to go and listen to it...How neat you mentioned it?

Doug said...

I wait all year for that show and missed about half of it. Must have been the good half. My favorites this year were "How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"


"What does Michael Jackson like about twenty eight year olds?"

Oh, and the one about the police dog who applies for a job at the FBI.

Doug said...

Oh, and for the radio question, we spend 59 seconds of that trying to get the buttons right.

actonbell said...

Those are great! How did you remember so many???

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Well, I missed the radio question, again. I think I am now 1-30. What's the record for low score?

Fred said...

Whew. I thought the answer was going to be something else.

kenju said...

LOVE all the bad jokes, Tan Lucy!

AP3 said...

Great bad jokes! D'oh! I spend about 60 seconds planning what to wear.

Christine said...

Ok windex made me laugh out loud so I guess I like bad jokes. And really, you think men spend THAT much time??? naaaaaa

Kyahgirl said...

You are so funny! thanks :-)

Pope Benedict XVI said...

I never have to worry about that.

lime said...


here is my son's most recent fave joke.

why is the sand wet?

because the sea weed


Rachel said...

Very funny bad jokes!! LOL - thanks, I needed a good laugh today!!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Thanks for the visit, my dear TLP....I love where I live amd I LOVE my garden, too! It is certainly heaven to me.

These jokes are funny! I LOVE the pickle slicer one, particularly! I should have seen that coming, but I didn't! (lol)

Libby said...

oh, tlp, you deserve an award, cuz NOBODY in the world could tell these jokes so well!! spit all over the keyboard at the windex one, and i did NOT even see the pickle slicer one coming!!

Minka said...

Whatever works for you! :)

I saw the femal epickle slicer coming though :)

Peter said...

Great stuff Lucy, we call them groaners in Australia as that's the normal reaction, and our big finish is Boom-Boom.

neva said...

i am dying here! i LOVE these jokes *and* YOU for sharing 'em. and how DO you remember so many? the only really stupid jokes i know involve disgusting things like frogs in blenders and/or 1st basemen named "Bob". yep. tacky. like me. sigh.

and i adore Prairie Home Companion!!

it's a bit early, but, as long as i'm here... Rabbit, Rabbit!! xoxoxo

AP3 said...

Rabbit, rabbit! Woo hoo! Lagomania!

actonbell said...

Rabbit, rabbit! Woohoo!

Fred said...

Rabbit, Rabbit! The weekend's almost here!

Doug said...

Rabbit, Rabbit!