Thursday, February 09, 2006

More please. Americans overeat, and by God, I'm an American!


Radio question of the day:

The average American home has 16 of these in their home. What is it?
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Different kind of question: What's the difference between Groundhog's Day and President Bush's State of the Union Address?

Answer: One of them is a quaint but hollow ritual in which millions of Americans look to a small, pathetic creature of little intelligence and limited capacities to tell us what the future will bring. The other one involves a groundhog.
You saw that one coming. You guys. So quick.
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The real question for a lot of us right now is what to get our sweetie for Valentine's Day.

I can tell you right now, that unless your honey is very thin or has very strong self-control, you shouldn't get candy for him or her.

I took my friend Peggy for her chemotherapy today. She had a little gift for me because of all the help she feels that I have given her. That Peggy. It was a box of truffles. Twelve big, beautiful, very delicious-looking truffles.

I could have eaten one while I was killing time waiting for her out in Hershey where she gets her treatments. But I didn't. I knew better than to get started on them. I'm not big on self-control when it comes to chocolate.

Instead I had a nice, sensible breakfast at a near-by restaurant. Then I went shopping and bought a lovely purse I don't need. Then I had my nails done. Never touched those chocolate truffles in spite of the fact that I could hear them calling my name from the trunk of the car.

When I got home, my husband Niks was still at the library doing his volunteer stint there. So I made myself a cup of coffee. One little truffle wasn't going to hurt me I figured. So I had one truffle, only they aren't at all little of course.

But there was still coffee in my cup. So I got up and got another truffle. Those truffles. Man! They are good! Actually I had made two cups of coffee. Niks shouldn't drink caffeine after one PM, so I decided to have that other cup of coffee.

Which called for another truffle. Well, okay. Two truffles.

Now see what you made me do! The truffle box looks mighty funny now. Four truffles missing! That isn't gonna do. Niks will fuss about that!

What to do, what to do???

Sigh. There's no way around it. I had to eat the entire batch. Gone. All gone.

Don't get your honey candy for Valentine's Day if her sweet tooth is as big as her damned head. Okay?

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Answer to the Radio Question of the Day: Cook books. I'm so below average. Pitiful.

40 comments:

AP3 said...

Yeah, you're not so good at limiting the chocolate when it's available. I'm more like that with chips.

16? wow. We probably have that many (because of Me Wonder Woman Pez), but I thought it was over-the-top!

Minka said...

I think I have 16...see, I could be American after all. Now, about them candies:gimme gimme!

dddragon said...

I would've had them done before getting home!

And don't worry about being behind in the cookbook thing. My In Laws have enough for both of us and then some.

The Lazy Iguana said...

I can resist the urge to eat a whole box o truffles.

My secret? I video tape Bush speeches, then play them back to make me sick.

Ivy the Goober said...

ohmigosh, I did this very thing once when a neighbor brought us fresh bread from the oven. Hubby wasn't home but the neighbor said, "butter a piece NOW while it's hot." I ended up eating so much, that I was embarrassed for my husband to see HOW much. So I ate the rest of it, and never mentioned it.

Klondike Kate said...

So glad I'm not the only one! I adore truffles!

And I'm seriously low on cookbooks too. But then my mom makes up for me since she has *an entire bookcase* filled.

natasha said...

Oh wow. That's impressive. When I get chocolate cravings, I can eat most of a chocolate bar, then it's just too much. Even my parents' 15lb dog can outdo me. Or at least he did that one time he ate just about a pound of chocolate ... But hey, I don't make runny poos all over the backyard when I eat chocolate, so I still win.

I'm sure there was a point to that story, somewhere.

Peter said...

It's the coffee that's the problem Lucy, without that you would have stayed strong???

OldHorsetailSnake said...

You are so nice to sacrifice your body to save Niks from himself.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

AP3. Right. I have no chocolate resistance at all. none.

Monika. Wish you had been here to help.

3D. Yep, I've noticed the cookbooks over there. Amazing.

Lazy I: Even maggots would not deter me from chocolate. Oh. You were talking about a maggot. Never mind.


Ivy! YES! You understand!

KKatie, well, your mom has to be above average to balance out folks like me.

Natasa: You gotta be kidding! You can save part of a chocolate bar?! Whoa. Totally alien to me.

Peter: actually you're on to something there. I need coffee with chocolate. But I will drink milk in an emergency.

Hoss: Thanks for understanding. I had to do it. Niks is a diabetic after all. 'Course he can limit himself to small amounts of candy. Strange man.

Lucy said...

Here at our home - my DH must hide goodies like this - I'm a snackaholic - they don't last days - or hours. I usually find them.

lime said...

i completely understand! i'd have done the same thing

Fred said...

I used to be that way with chocolate until my weight zoomed up to the 200+ range. No wonder; I used to eat a large bag of M&M's in one sitting. So, as I got older, the chocolate had to be banned from my diet.

But, man, this post made me hungry. Off I go to get a piece of turkey with no carbs. *sigh*

Sylvie said...

I'm more in the 60+ cookbook range.

I probably would have eaten most of the truffles on the way home. The best way for me to avoid chocolate is to have someone put peanuts or peanut butter in it. Any other nut is fine, but I just don't like peanuts or peanut butter in my candy. You know I'm really desperate for chocolate if you see me eating a Snickers bar.

mireille said...

Yeah, but you deserved those truffles. 'cause you're a sweetie. xoxo

Tom & Icy said...

Master Tom bought me a bag of cheesy doggy treats that were shaped like little dogs, but Mommy Master thought they were cheese bits for her and ate half of them before she realized what they were.

Sar said...

Am I the only one who thinks chocolate never tasted as good as with a cup of coffee? Apparently not. Thanks for the piece of mind, TLP. Wish I could thank you for the piece of chocolate though.

Jemima said...

I'm above the American average, but then, I'm not American.

I'm sure the anticipation and restraint involved in eating something forbidden gives it a whole extra dimension of yumminess. Other people's food is so much more flavoursome. And calorie free!

Bernadette said...

I was amazed by your Bible prowess at Hoss's place today!

We have our blogs for the same reason, however yours is not the least bit boring!

We have a chalet in my hometown where handmade Swiss chocolates are made. Order by mail - www.boehmscandies.com Mozart kugeln, too!

bornfool said...

Truffles grow on the ground which kind of makes them vegetable-like and we all know vegetables are good for you. Think of it like you just ate twelve pieces of broccoli; sweet, delicious, chocolatey broccoli.

Christine said...

What the hell is a cook book and why oh why would I have one in my home?

still life said...

I am the one of the few who don't have a love affair with chocolate!

On Valentine's Day you can't fill a girl with chocolate sweets and then give lingerie as a gift!
It just ain't right

partyrunner said...

this post was hysterical. it reminds me of my mom and sister. they're that way with nuts too. my mom will complain of being deathly ill then we go into her room and there is an empty can of cashews.

Fuckkit said...

I don't need cookbooks. My girlfriend's a chef ;)

Libby said...

lucy, i have an important question...& it's serious, not a joke...whenever kevin brings home a one pound bag of m&m's, and i eat 'em all in an hour, how could i ever worry about gaining more than a pound?

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actonbell said...

Wow, Mom. In past years, I've gifted Ekim with a 12-truffle box, and it takes him at least 12 weeks to get them all finished. He loves them and preserves them for just the right times. Oh, my.

I had a strong chocolate craving, too. I have kisses in my glove compartment. Whoknows how many I ate on the way home. I don't have that many cookbooks, either. As if they'd be used.

kenju said...

Truffles are my downfall, and coffee too.

I have only about 8 cookbooks so it's no wonder I'm not a great cook. If I bought 8 more, would I improve? Since I don't read/use the ones I have now - I guess not.

Doug said...

You did the right thing, TLP. Peggy didn't want you to torture yourself.

Among the many diversities in our great land are the eat it until it's gone crowd and the 1 a month crowd.

Rachel said...

Well at least they are gone now and you don't have to worry about them anymore! I have several cook books too. Funny TLP!

Bela said...

It's all your friend's fault, isn't it? You can blame her.

Did you feel sick at all afterwards? I can only eat tiny amounts of chocolate at a time. I''m prone to migraines and, since I'm French, crises de foie. :-(

Jamie Dawn said...

I LOVE truffles! That soft goodness inside is just too much. My will power would have been sorely tried.

All those cook books. I am way below average too. I think I own four.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Oh I love the Groundhog's Day vs. Bush question. Hysterical!!!

natasha said...

Hey, I never said I save it, I'm just plenty full by the time I get to the end! :P

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Oh My God! LOL, LOL, LOL! I truly understand the CALL of Chocolate...And Truffles----Who could resist..Hmmm. The whole box??? Well, Good For You!

Keith said...

Truffles? The only truffles I've seen are the ones we dig up in France, and they certainly aren't covered in chocolate. Usually pig-poo! Delicious chopped up and made into an omelette!

Hale McKay said...

If the average number of cookbooks is 16 - it is because of my wife's collection that the count is that high! SHE PROBABLY HAS 516!
...Nice post, Lucy.

Klondike Kate said...

You won't believe this TLP...I went to a discount store and they had an entire box of Dove dark chocolate bars for $2.49...for all 24 bars. Chocolate + good deal = serious love!

Ariella said...

YAY
TLP post!
I think you did the only right thing, re. the truffles, you would hate for your friend to think you didn't LIKE them, think how hurt she would be. You had to eat them, it was the kind, nay, the only ethical thing to do.
As is mocking the SOTU address.

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Sees candy is one of my weekest. I could just sit there and eat an entire box myself. In fact, I bought myself a box for Valentine's day and already opened it!

hehehe!!!

Enjoy all the candy!