Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Fatter than ever!

I'm fatter than ever! Sigh.

T'was the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

5 comments:

dddragon said...

LOL - that's great, mom! Did you write that? Very clever! Too bad you're retired - I've been taking our extra cookies in to work.

actonbell said...

wonder how many slim-fast commercials there'll be during this year's superbowl.

AP3 said...

You know, today Sivle Sylvester Pez accidentally got stuck out on the porch. He was out there long enough that he decided to go #1 and #2. He had a very messy #2. It actually made me gag to clean it. The beauty part: It took away my appetite for the evening! This could be the new "kitty poop gag me" diet!

Tan Lucy Pez said...

No, ddragon, I didn't write the poem. Hey, Peppermint Patty, thanks for sharing! LOL

Ayelet Waldman said...

Yeah, you and me both. Sigh. After four c-sections, I have to do origami just to get my pants zipped.