Let me bore you.

A couple of people have told me that my blog doesn't live up to its "boring" title. Humph. I mean, let's be real. I bore myself. Here's another exciting day:

Got up and met my friend Irene. We start our walk in the park at 6:30 AM. This time of year there are about 6 or 7 people who walk that early in "our" park, and about that many who are leaving by the time we get there. Mostly just pretty casual walkers, but then again there are some like a young woman today who was running with her dog. When the dog stops to piddle on a tree, she keeps her legs pumping. Show-off.

Then I came home, showered, and took my car to be serviced. There's a story.

I love my car. It's a 2004 Honda Civic Hybrid. We bought it last August I guess. Took it on a two-month cross-country trip to everywhere really: Chicago, Mall of America in Minneapolis, the Badlands, Mt. Rushmore, Yellowstone, Glacier National Park, Devil's Tower, Crater Lake, Seattle, Salem OR, Northern CA, Lake Tahoe, collected a lot of Capitols, etc. Got great mileage and never got a scratch or a ding on the car. Drove 8,000 miles total.

Fast forward to this last trip to MA, Vermont, NH and Maine. It's closing in on a year that we've had this car, and no one has yet banged their car door into it hard enough to leave a ding. I'm getting nervous. You just know that first ding has to happen. I'm parking away from everyone else, especially cars with those big, big doors. One evening I park and decide that the car next to us on my side is too close for comfort. I just KNOW that those people are going to come back to their big ole car and DING me. So I decide to back up to park somewhere else. I swing back and around, and scratch my car on some building material that is piled by the swimming pool. (The motel is remodeling.) Arghhhhhhh. I'm SO MAD AT MYSELF. S**t. How can I be so stupid?

Okay, so back to this boring blog day that I'm currently in. I take the car to the place we bought it, get it inspected, serviced, washed, and they tell me that they don't do body work there. I'll have to make another appointment at a different place for that. Those guys.

They have a nice waiting-area arrangement there. I watched a middle-aged woman dressed in tight, expensive exercise clothes smile and flirt with the service manager. (She wasn't going to exercise. Bet she never sweats.) She kept touching his arm, batting her eyes. A rich bitch in heat is not a pretty picture.

On the way home I pass a Dairy Queen. Do I actually PASS it? No. I stopped. Now Dairy Queen has some little bitty ice cream cones that even Weight Waters will allow on their diet. Do I get one of those? 'Course not. I get a banana split. I tell myself that it's fruit, protein (I got the nuts on it.), and dairy. Health food.

Two hours later, Niks and I meet our friends Don and Leah for lunch at Perkins. I got a salad, 'cause I'm so good. After that I get the French Silk Chocolate pie. 'Cause I'm so bad. Oh, well. Some days. 

Couldn't resist posting this. Truly modest cats would have on a nice one-piece suit. 

It's Just Another Day in Paradise

I cleaned the refrigerator today. I'm a decent housekeeper, so it wasn't terrible or anything, but it's still amazing what you find in the frig.

Two plastic containers each with the remains of a can of cranberry sauce. I serve cranberry sauce any time we have chicken. So why didn't I finish the container that first landed in the refrigerator? Guess it got shoved to the back, and I opened a new one. I think the shelf life of commercially canned cranberry sauce is probably a hundred years or so.

Also there were two opened jars of the same kind of pickles. I combined those, as I had done with the cranberry sauce. There is a lot of beer in there too. I put a bunch in for last Saturday when Lucinda and the son-in-law were coming over. They drank a disappointing amount. So I'm demanding that they come back this Saturday and try to help empty the frig. Also there are 6 cans of Coors Light. Two friends of ours like Coors Light, but somehow they never end up drinking it here. Just when we're out together. Does beer keep forever? I need to know.

Then there is always the produce that goes bad. Those bags of pre-washed salad that are so popular these days don't keep very well. I wonder if they are really, truly, WASHED well enough? We haven't gotten sick so far.

Why do refrigerators have such deep shelves anyway? Seems to me that anything that works its way to the back is doomed to rot or mold. And how do crumbs get into a refrigerator?

You can tell I have a very exciting life.
 

Just thinking

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.

Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors...but they all exist very nicely in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Working for God on earth does not pay much, but some say that His retirement plan is out of this world. 

Food Pantry

I volunteer in a food pantry across the river in a neighboring town, and today was my day to work.

I’m sure that areas around the country handle the need for food pantries in different ways. In our area there is a big Food Bank, and then we have food pantries scattered around the region in locations that supposedly make it easier for the people who need the food. You can donate food or money to the Food Bank, or directly to the food pantries. Our Food Bank sells food to the pantry where I volunteer. (The Bank has to somehow recover their costs. They are too big to be staffed with just volunteers.) The food we get from the Food Bank costs our pantry about 8 cents per pound. Doesn’t matter what the food is.

When I first found out that the FB sold food to my pantry, I thought that it was best for people to contribute food directly to us. But it isn’t necessarily so. We make up packages for families based on size, and some other criteria, such as ages of children. Contributions are hodge-podge. We can end up with some odd items, and not know who to give them too. Buying food from the big FB enables us to give out consistent food packages. But contributions are also wonderful. We get bread daily from day-old bread places, also ground beef, butter, eggs, and sometimes cheese from another source.

If you have any extra money in your budget, and not everyone does, please try to donate to your local food bank, food pantry, or soup kitchen. All good causes. What to donate? For food banks and pantries, it has to be non-perishable, and should in non-breakable containers-- plastic jars instead of glass. Food kitchens can use perishable items, and big bulk sizes also. The FB’s and FP’s need individual family sizes.

Good items are peanut butter, canned or powdered soup, canned or powdered milk, baby food, canned fruit, cereal, rice, noodles, canned spaghetti sauce, canned vegetables, complete-meals-in-a-box type food, canned meat (like tuna and Spam), juice in plastic bottles or cans, tea bags, crackers, boxed things like cheese and macaroni, the list is long.

Our little pantry gets no federal, state, county, or city monies. We donate our time and our money to keep the place going. Several churches donate money, and my own church donates food regularly. At age 63, I’m the youngest volunteer there. Everyone else must be at least 110 and older. I’m always afraid that they’ll all die and I’ll be stuck. Don’t laugh. This is a real fear. Also a real possibility!

We truly do serve an important purpose. No matter what, there will always be people who cannot feed themselves and their children. I always dread going in to work at the pantry, but each time I leave, I feel good. Not just about the public that we serve, but about those really old people who volunteer there. Makes me feel young.

GREED

I got a renewal letter from TV Guide today. The envelope has a sticker that says, (well, it doesn't SAY anything. You have to read it.) "Urgent! It's time to renew! Prices are going to go up SOON." There are stickers on top of the sticker that read, "Yes, I want to beat the increase." Or "No, I'll pay more later." Arghhhhhhhh! So annoying. As if I would return their renewal offer with "No, I'm stupid so I'll pay more later." So dumb.

So I check my subscription. It's paid through January 2006. Seven full months to go, but it's urgent that I renew now. I have to reply immediately, or this wonderful offer is gone, off the table forever. HA! I hate it that the magazine people think everyone is a fool.

I've heard that the most dangerous thing you can want is MORE. Well, the TV Guide folks wanted too much more. I'm not going to renew when the subscription is actually done. The TV section in the newspaper is good enough for me. 

Curses. Foiled Again

News flash. Update on Scrabble game. Lucinda and the son-in-law drank our beer, ate our food, and whipped our @$$. We had fun. Always a nice evening with those two. Lucinda is so funny when she gets to the laughing-so-hard-she-falls-off-her-chair stage. 

Wine, Beer, Scrabble, Treachery

Lucinda and her husband are coming over for dinner and to play Scrabble tonight. They are very good at the game. They swear that they don't practice this diversion. In fact they claim that the only time they play it is when they come over here, or are on vacation.

But the son-in-law always, always wins. Lucinda generally comes in second. Poor old Lucy and Niks struggle not to be the one who comes in dead last. I think the son-in-law has memorized all the three letter words that are in the Scrabble Dictionary. I mean really. I'm not going to stoop to that level. Besides, I don't have his memory. He probably read the darn list once, and then it was his forever.

Now, if you've read Lucinda's blog, you know that she can get a little tipsy on occasion. So can the son-in-law, but it never impairs his game skills. (Actually he never seems to get tipsy when they are here, just at their annual backyard family picnic.) I'm thinking that tonight I might have to get them flat-out zonked if I ever hope to win a Scrabble game against them. Their favorite beer is Beck's. My refrigerator is now FULL of the stuff. I'm just going to keep on pouring until I get them to lose their concentration. They are both thin to the point of being skinny, so I figure five beers (or less) each will do it. But I'm prepared with an entire case of booze. We've got empty bedrooms. They can sleep it off here. No danger of drunken driving.  

Misspent Youth

Both Jamie Dawn and Ole Hoss have been telling stories about their misspent youth, so I got to thinking about my own.

I was a pretty good kid. Okay, bratty to my three older sisters. Oh, yeah, there was that thing where my peeps and I would put condoms on tailpipes (makes a nice exploding noise when people drive off), but that's harmless, no?

Okay, all right, my friends and I did a bunch of stupid phone call stunts, but everyone does that I'm sure. But at least I never tipped over an outhouse.

But I did pull at least one dumb ass, really stupid deed, although it was not on purpose.

I was about 14. My church was having a hayride to which all my girl friends were inviting dates. I definitely didn't want to go with a guy from church, and I definitely didn't want to be the only girl without a date, and I definitely had a crush on a guy in my Algebra class whose name was Doyle.

So I spend two days or so working up courage to call Doyle on the phone. Couldn't risk rejection face to face. I call him. I ask him to the hayride. He says he has to ask his mother, comes back to the phone and says, "My mother says that I have to go visit my aunt that Saturday."

Okay. I can take a hint. Don't have to hit me over the head with a hammer. I know that he just doesn't want to go with me on a hayride. He's just been using me for my Algebra talents. I'm crushed and embarrassed, but I'll live. So, I move on. I call a sweet, dependable, smart guy that I've known since third grade, and ask him to the hayride. He says, "Yes." I'm saved. I have a date.

But wait. Doyle calls me the next day and says, "My mom says that I can stay home when she goes to my aunt's house, so that I can go to the hayride with you." Hoo boy. I have one minute or less, to do the right thing and say, "I really, really wanted to take YOU to the hayride, but since you said 'No,' I already asked someone else. I'm sorry." Did I do the right thing? Heck no. I said, "Great!" I'm a pig.

Do I ask an adult what to do? Of course not! I do a Brady-bunch-agony-twist-in-the-wind for days. My girlfriends both at church and at school are all on the job trying to figure out what I should do. The day of the hayride is drawing closer. What to do, what to do?

GET SICK. It was the only answer. And I did get sick. Really sick. Truly sick. I actually got Scarlet Fever! What a relief! The only problem then was that I was too sick to use the phone. I had to confess to my oldest sister, Mary, so that she could call and cancel the dates for me. She yelled and fussed and carried on at me, "A*** N******* P******** (my whole, entire name) what were you thinking? How could you do such a thing?" What a hullabaloo and brouhaha. (I've been waiting all day to use those words.) She almost told my mother.

But Mary called both guys and cancelled for me, fussed at me some more, then perked up because doctors made house calls in those days and she thought the doctor was very handsome.

And that's my tom foolery story. (Thanks to Melissa W for that word.) 

A Tightwad's Guide to Frugal Living

In yesterday's newspaper there was an article about a woman who lives cheaply. Maybe frugal is the correct word, or maybe, just maybe, tightwad is more accurate.
She's a recycling Nazi, which I can accept. We should all be careful with the planet's resources. But this woman takes a bucket into the shower with her, collects water in it that would just go down the drain, and uses that to flush her toilet. OOOOkay, that's a good idea in a real drought. But I'm afraid that I envision a toilet that isn't flushed often enough to suit me. I mean, are we talking saving stuff until you have enough stuff to flush? Ugh.

This woman sleeps not on a bed, but on "several layers of sleeping bags and blankets found in the trash or thrift shops." Okay again. It's her house and her sleeping. (BTW, she's not homeless. She lives in a chic part of town actually.) She says, "I want to write a book called '100 Uses For a Bandanna.'" She uses them as paper towels, hankies, napkins, and wrappers. She once brought leftover pizza home in her bandanna because she refuses to use a take-out container. (This bandanna had been in use on her head up until then.) She even saves the bibs from dentist visits.

Then the current Reader's Digest has an article called Cheaper Than Thou, written by Mary Roach. She says that each night "I remove my eyeliner with the end of a Q-tip and then set it aside to use the other end the following night." Hoo boy.

Listen to some Hints from Heloise:
1. Instead of throwing out used coffee grounds, leave half in the filter, then add half of the freshly ground coffee for a second pot. (Give me a break! Bet that tastes great.)
2. To make an inexpensive whiskbroom, roll a section of the newspaper lengthwise, then cut across one end a few times and spread out the fringe. Use to brush away cobwebs or crumbs, then toss it out. (What next? Tell your kid that Santa Claus died, save big on presents?)
3. Instead of facial tissues, use toilet paper, which costs less. Remove the cardboard core from a roll and throw away. Then place the roll inside an empty square tissue box and pull from the center of the roll through the opening. (We've all used TP instead of Kleenex, but only because we were OUT of the real thing.)
4. Instead of replacing my travel-size tube of toothpaste, I refill it from my regular tube: I simply hold the nozzle of the big tube against the small one and slowly squeeze. (Oh sure she does...NOT. Heloise has gotta be rich by now.)

Okay, so I confess that I save old pantyhose to use to tie tomato plants to a garden stake. And the hubby figured out that it was cheaper to buy the biggest sizes of French fries at McDonald's and then split them up among the kiddies, rather than buy each one of them their own individual fries. The man actually COUNTED the damn fries! This went on until the rebellion of 1975, when our son staged a coup and declared that he and his sisters would all get their own, individual, small-sized fries. (Note to daughters: I now have to share fries with your father again. It's not worth the fight.)

How do YOU save money? Big or small. (It's usually SMALL.)